This article uses statistics to show how widespread and devastating the alcohol and drug abuse problems are in our society and the need for effective addiction recovery programs. It also shows the basic reason why people use alcohol and drugs, and how a person can become permanently free from them (as the author did 24 years ago after 18 years of use).

The major false belief that causes the most pain for many people is the belief that you can control how important people in your life feel about you and treat you. The behavior and resulting pain coming from this belief is often the underlying cause of addictive behavior.

People turn to addictions is to avoid the pain of loneliness and fill the empty place inside that really wants to be filled with love. Learn about the beliefs that keep you from accessing the love that will heal addictive behavior.

(This is Part 2 of a 5-part series on addiction).

In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

This article addresses the first of these beliefs, and goes into the process of learning to manage your …

Jeffrey showed up at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives to deal with his alcoholism and resulting relationship problems. His past two marriages had ended in messy divorces. His business was falling apart. Yet in the face of all of this, Jeffrey could not or would not stop drinking.

Two things were immediately apparent in my first session with Jeffrey. First, he had completely abandoned himself, making others responsible for his self-worth. Due to his unwillingness to…

There is a wonderful anachronism for FEAR:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Much of the fear in our lives is based on false evidence.

Our bodies are designed to respond with the fight or flight mechanism to real and present danger – such as being physically attacked. In the face of real and present danger, the adrenaline flows and the blood drains out of our organs and brain and into our limbs to prepare us for fight or flight.

Yet many people spend much of their…

The underlying basis of all addictions – and alcohol is no exception – is the avoidance of pain. While there is evidence that some people have genetic and biological predispositions toward alcoholism, not all people with these predispositions abuse alcohol or become alcohol dependent. Many people who join AA learn to deal with their painful emotions without the use of alcohol, regardless of their genetic predisposition.

What if you are a person who wants to stop drinking, …

This is the first of a 5-part series on recovery from addictions. This first part defines substance and process addictions and describes the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions.

Linda sat opposite me at one of my five-day Inner Bonding Intensives. She had decided to attend the Intensive because her depression, which had plagued her for years, was not being helped by medication or by the numerous forms of therapy that she had tried.

As she sat opposite me, telling me about her past and her depression, I felt like I was sitting with a person who had stuffed herself into a box and closed the door. There was a sense of emptiness and numbness that ema…

Irene, in her late 40s, had been in an out of treatment centers for years before consulting with me. When in treatment, she was fine, with no desire to drink, but once she returned home with her husband, Frank, and two adolescent children, it didn’t take long before she was back to drinking. Even though she faithfully attended AA meetings, she could not stay sober once she returned home. She loved her husband and children and could not understand why she could not stay sober …