The dictionary defines internal as: having to do with or situated inside of the body; of relating to, or existing within the mind. Peace is defined as: a state of calm and quiet; freedom from disturbing thoughts; and an agreement to end hostilities. For the purpose of this article I will combine these two notions and define internal peace as: the integration of our thoughts and feelings culminating in a state of tranquility and harmony. One of the most important keys for this tranquility and harmony or ‘peace of mind’ as it is often called, is to honour our emotional nature and find methods to express feelings in appropriate ways that allow us to release them.

Practical Steps to Releasing Emotions
1. Learn to listen to yourself. Many of us have been harried for so long that we are out-of-touch with how we feel. A situation will present itself and we will ‘flip out’ and find it unbelievable that we have lost control. This actually results from a build-up of emotions that we have not been aware of.

2. Accept responsibility for your feelings. No one makes you feel anything; rather you choose how you think and feel based on what you interpret the situation to be. Blaming others gives away your power and when you feel like a ‘victim’ you react with anger and resentment.

3. Talk to a trusted friend or counsellor. Finding a ‘safe place’ where you are able to express feelings without anyone judging you provides an opportunity to release pent-up emotions.

4. Accept yourself. You are not supposed to be perfect and learning to accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses creates feelings of peace within.

5. Don’t judge yourself. Judging yourself means thinking you have to be perfect and creates feelings of not being ‘good enough.’ When feeling inadequate you judge yourself harshly and no matter what you do it will never be ‘good enough.’

6. Let go of the past. The past is over and you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. If the past evokes memories of painful experiences for you, release the memories and find forgiveness for yourself and/or others. This doesn’t mean you condone these behaviors. It means you release the memories and feelings to find your own inner healing and peace.
7. Learn to relax. Many methods exist that contribute to staying in balance and harmony. Practicing meditation as a daily ritual, reading, exercising, walking, or creating a sacred space where you can spend time feeling a sense of renewal and refreshment are all methods that take you away from focusing on ‘what is wrong’ to seeing yourself as having ‘control of your life.’

8. Practice gratitude. What you pay attention to increases as you give energy to your thoughts. Thoughts of peace, love, and abundance increases the inner healing and peace and leads to living lives that feel more balanced and harmonious.

9. Keep a journal. People have used journaling for many years in order to release emotions and make sense of what is going on. This journal or notebook is for your eyes only and allows you to say anything you want without anybody seeing it except you. Once expressed, emotions tend to dissipate and you will find they are released through this exploration. If this process doesn’t totally release them the first time, repeat the exercise.

10. Spend time in nature. We are part of nature and when we re-connect with the natural world we touch our inner self/ spiritual connection to something more. That something more is our connection to the Universal Energy whether we call it God, Goddess, All That Is, or Higher Power. Whatever we call it, when we feel connected to the ‘Whole’ we recognize our place in the world and feel a sense of peace and harmony and that ‘all is right in our world.’

Graphic designers and layout people will tell you that white space is what makes it possible for us to register text on a printed page or a computer screen. White space gives order, context, and emphasis to what matters.

White space facilitates delight: it makes it possible for the contents of a page or of a life to be arranged in a pleasing way. It requites and allows artful choice. Without it, everything seems equally urgent, similarly important.

Because it is empty, it is tempting to fill white space when the pressure is on. If you’ve ever tried to read an email that isn’t broken up into short paragraphs, you know what happens when too much content squeezes out the white space. It is hard to track meaning, hard to isolate key points, hard to know how to respond.

The same thing happens when there is not enough white space in our lives. When we steal time from the white space to make another meeting, start another project, make another call, we end up distracted, confused, and reactive. Depending on our individual styles, we may get irritable, weepy, bossy, or simply forgetful, none of which saves time, makes money, or engenders effective collaboration. In an ironic turnabout, we may start saying “no” to things we’d like to say “yes” to and vice versa. Play feels like work, work loses its charm, work life balance quits us.

However, if we expand or maintain white space in times of great challenge, we will often notice that unexpected opportunities and solutions arise. When a problem is too big or complex to be solved with available resources, we have to go to another level to solve it. White space helps us find that other level and bring work life balance back, when pushing harder and moving faster won’t work.

I wrote a version of this article in September, 2001, when I realized that grappling with the events of that month required extra energy and that I needed more white space for a while as I adapted to the demands of those times. I think we are in similar times now, when, regardless of your politics or perspective, world events require our heartfelt and intelligent reflection, a process that is not likely in the short term to result in clear cut solutions. Staying awake, connected, and present in such times is a big job, and it’s the kind of job that requires white space.

I’m renewing my commitment to white space for the next few weeks. I leave for a month-long vacation soon, and it is tempting to work round the clock until I go. But I know too well the costs of that choice. So I’m getting out into the garden this weekend, taking time for music and reading, and making myself available for an afternoon nap or two. This is not self-indulgence. It’s not even self-care. It’s cultivating the white space that I need in order to maintain work life balance, show up, serve, and prosper in every aspect of my life and work.

If there is not enough white space in your life to sustain work life balance, or if, like me, you need more white space than usual right now, take some time to revise your commitments and declare a moratorium on promises for a few days. If you are a manager, ask yourself how you can support your people in having the white space they need. It’s not necessary to make a production of this; you can accomplish a good deal by simply keeping white space in mind as you assign tasks, evaluate performance, and manage the context and mood of your teams.

Caring for white space can allow the shape of what is truly important to emerge while giving us the breathing room to stay balanced and respond more completely and effectively, if at a slower pace.

TIME IS MY FRIEND
TIME IS MY ALLY
I HAVE ALL THE TIME I NEED
FOR EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO.

I received a lot of grateful responses and some questions, indicating just how hard it is to balance our time requests these days. I want to respond to a subscriber who said she is “too busy to attend to personal needs vs. work, work, work” and is looking for a way to take care of herself while meeting the requirements of her workplace.

Here are a couple of suggestions for anyone who is struggling to keep work and personal life in balance.

First, don’t judge yourself about where you’re spending your time. Wherever you are, be there 100 percent. If you’re working, try to notice why you said yes to the work and enjoy that part of it. Enjoy the moment.

Second, use your calendar or daytimer as a tool to give you what you want. Mark it with work and personal time, and attend to it. For example, I’m writing a book, and it’s very easy for me to let that time slip into something else, like answering email or returning calls. I’m getting better at blocking out the time in advance and sticking with what I said I was going to do with it.

Lastly, prioritize your values around time. If personal time is the highest priority, mark the personal time into your calendar first. Then fill in the other stuff in around it.

I hope some of this helps. Please write and let me know if any of the suggestions work for you. And let me know your ideas, too, because I need them!

Due to a misunderstanding the neighbor was pretty upset, so much so that when they passed on the street and my friend said hello and reached out to shake his hand, he withdrew it, avoided eye contact, muttered a monotone “hi” and quickly walked past her.

She felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Stunned, she walked back to her house wondering what had just happened. It was even more upsetting because she’d communicated with this man about the confusion that had initially caused the conflict, and she thought that he’d understood her point of view. She wanted to find out what went wrong, but he clearly didn’t want to discuss it.

We talked about the incident for a while, brainstorming strategies that would help her deal with this unexpected blow, but eventually I left her to think it over on her own.

A surprise attack is one of the hardest conflicts to handle. It’s a shock to the system. Often the first reaction (after your heartbeat returns to normal) is to blame the other person or to blame yourself and to get caught in endless internal dialogue about who’s at fault and what to do next.

Regardless of the cause, a troubling conflict may take time to untangle and can disrupt our lives while it’s going on. We lose our balance and often operate on half-power, the other half working non-stop to figure out where to assign blame and (as much as possible) to justify our own actions. If it’s disturbing enough we lose focus at work and at home, have difficulty making even routine decisions, and spend wakeful nights deliberating over the best way to handle it. It’s hard to do anything wholeheartedly until it’s resolved.

I felt a lot of empathy for my friend. I’ve been there and it’s no fun. One of the ways I tried to help was to listen when she needed to talk, and I suggested she take care of herself during the process of unraveling the situation. Conflict is hard on the body, on the mind and on the spirit, and there are strategies that can help us keep perspective and move the conflict toward a positive resolution.

Breathe and find your balance. A conflict can unbalance us with strong emotions and feelings of unworthiness, anger, sadness, and frustration. Don’t avoid these emotions, but rather treat them as guides. Appreciate and observe as you might observe a play. There is a lot of power in this emotional energy, and as you breathe and watch, you’ll find a way to use it that’s in line with your best purpose.

Take the long view. It’s so easy to get caught in the turmoil of the conflict that we forget there will be a tomorrow. Take some quiet moments to close your eyes and see yourself in the future with the conflict resolved. Imagine how you’ll feel with the problem behind you. What would you like the relationship to look like a month from now, a year? Meanwhile, eat well, go to bed at regular hours, laugh and allow yourself to forget the problem occasionally. This may not be easy, but it’s effective. Allow your inner wisdom to work silently while you continue to engage in life.

Reframe. Step outside the conflict momentarily. Instead of resisting it, ask yourself if there is a gift here an invitation to look at the problem differently or to try out a new behavior. Acknowledge the other person by stepping into their shoes. Why are they behaving this way? What do they want? How would you feel if you were in their position?

Practice. Brainstorm all possible responses to this situation and try them on for size. Get a friend and role-play alternatives you think you’d never choose because they’re so unlike your usual persona. Have fun exercising unexplored selves.

Count your blessings. Notice the good things in your life. Cultivate gratitude and wonder.

After brainstorming many options my friend decided to write a letter to her neighbor. She refrained from justifying her own actions. Instead, she acknowledged his feelings and offered to talk with him about the situation. They began to talk and, over time, came to be good neighbors again.

Some questions to help you practice good conflict management:
1. What happens when you’re surprised by conflict?

2. How do you usually behave, and how is it different from what you would like to do?

3. Think about the last time you experienced this kind of “surprise attack.” How did you handle it? What might you have done differently? What next steps will you take?

Conflict can cause us to lose sight of the big picture — of what we truly want in life, why we’re here, and what’s important — or to see it more clearly. In “The Magic of Conflict,” author Thomas Crum says, “our quality of life depends not on what happens to us, but on what we do with what happens to us.” This feels true, doesn’t it? Making it operational is the key to finding our power.

Focusing on your breath can be a truly empowering experience. You may have a tendency to discount the power of noticing and using the rhythm of your breath because your breath is so much a part of you. It might just seem too simple.

Ordinarily, of course, your breath works in the automatic mode. Thank goodness for that! If your breathing needed your constant attention, you would not have time for other adventures.

As an intentional practice, for short periods of time, giving your full attention to your breathing can be a very powerful, brief meditation. A “short period of time” might be measured:

* By numbers of breaths, for example, three in-breaths and three out-breaths;

* In minutes, for example, one minute or two or three; or

* By the time viewed through or measured by an event, for example, sitting at a traffic stop light.

Choose whatever measurement you want, and then practice focused, intentional breathing many times throughout the day. This practice will keep you balanced, filled with extra oxygen to help you to maintain greater stamina.

One interesting dynamic to notice is the actual shift between automatic and intentional breathing, in other words, notice the movement or transition from automatic (unconscious) breathing to intentional (conscious) breathing and vice versa.

In addition, notice that your breath becomes different when you are giving your full attention to it. I have read that humans use different muscles when breathing in these two different ways. Perhaps that is true. My own personal opinion is that you use the same muscles, but you use them differently in these two modes. I consider that this is similar to the difference between using your gluteus maximus muscles to walk down a hill as compared to walking up a hill.

Another dynamic to pay attention to is the pace or rhythm of your breath. There are many aspects of the breath that you can give your attention to. The rhythm of the breath is only one. It is one I particularly like because it has a discernible resonance. Examples of other dynamics are texture, sound, depth, length, evenness. I like to help people to find the rhythm of their breath because it helps them to attune to other rhythms and movement in their lives. For example, they might notice a particular breathing pattern that is replicated in other situations. After making the association, they change the rhythm in the breath, usually rather easily, and then they notice that changes in the other situations follow naturally.

I notice this correlation frequently with my clients. Of course, discerning such connections does require the ability to read subtle energies. Usually, after I have identified and articulated the correlation to my clients, they relate to the idea. The key is to make changes in the least invasive, most natural ways. Here are two specific examples:

Deidra was having trouble communicating with her boss, characterized by interrupting each other and half-stated ideas. I noticed in her breathing the same pattern of hesitation and shortness, as if she rarely completed either the in-breath or the out-breath. I suggested some exercises that helped her to be more aware of the rhythm of her breathing, which helped significantly, along with some other strategies, to manage herself more effectively with respect to her boss.

Tom had great difficulty when we had to stand in front of a group to speak. He felt unbalanced and had less acute thinking. This, by the way, is a very common dynamic as many people find stand-up presentations stressful. I decided to start with the easiest strategy: some simple breathing exercises to neutralize the old pattern and establish a new rhythm. He practiced daily, and especially before each presentation. The difficulty ceased immediately.

Sometimes the simplest strategies are the most powerful. So, remember to breathe! And, even more specifically, remember to find the rhythm in your breath.

We are creative by our very nature, it’s in our genes. Applied intelligence equals creativity. Intelligence takes on many forms. So this creates a new question:

Where is your definition of a workaholic more likely? One living in passion or one living in isolation and fear?

The True Entrepreneur is one that I witness their values, passion, and whole way of being aligned with what they do. In this way, the entrepreneur is just being. The business, the vocation, the passion, the purpose, the values, interests, etc. are all a part of who the individual is.

Externally, I don’t think anyone could casually observe a difference between a workaholic and this entrepreneur. However, the individual knows. Deep down inside, the answer is known and typically the individual will turn away from acknowledging that truth and rationalize sticking to their tried and true behavior. The tried and true is comfortable. To admit the truth requires change and change is uncomfortable.

Many people welcome change in their external environment and consider themselves capable and open to change. Unfortunately, for most the relationship to the inner self is one of fear; there’s a whole can of worms that gets opened when we start doing the inner work. Knowing this, on a gut level, our subconscious quickly reverts to the tried and true. It’s hard work to change.

The good news though, is that many entrepreneurs have the ability to see what is happening around them. This ability is what makes entrepreneurs visionary go-getters. However, this does not exempt entrepreneurs from getting caught-up in their business to the detriment of a well-balanced life.

A well-balanced life is more powerful than the hard work that you put into a business. A well-balanced life feeds the brain, the spirit, the emotions, and the body. In creating the space for relationship, recreation, and rest, the benefits experienced will offer stronger focus, greater creativity (beneficial for problem-solving and decision-making), greater self-esteem, and mental/emotional/physical health. Knowing this, choices are made.

If incorporating a well-balanced life would allow you to achieve the same amount of output in 60 hours versus the 80 hours of perseverance, which would you choose?

The other thing entrepreneurs have difficulty with is learning when to say, “No.” and when to say, “That’s enough.” Always after a new conquest, a new experience, a new peak, and new challenges, an entrepreneur can get all that energy too caught up in the business arena. This will lead to the very thing you fear. Instead, split this energy to have a well-balanced life. Achievement will be far richer in the relationship arena and the personal growth arena.

The experience of Life can be incredibly rich, just don’t get so caught up in riches that you neglect your Whole Life.

At their base they are firmly attached to a rock on the riverbed. If they were not securely attached in this way, they would be carried away by the current and would perish.

The upper part of these grasses has absolutely no resistance and is thus free to flow in an infinite variety of movements caused by the river’s ever-changing flow pattern.

A similar type of event may be seen while observing various sea grasses, which are attached to the bottom of the sea and move with the gentle currents and tides.

We have something to learn from these grasses. We can learn the delicate balance between discipline and freedom, between routine and diversity, between control and surrender, between tradition and change. Obviously, too much of any of these opposite qualities will create problems.

On the one hand we need to have discipline, routine, control and tradition to give us a security base, a moral base, a sense of inner strength and stability in facing the ever-changing circumstances of life.

Spiritual disciplines such as prayer, concentration, meditation, proper diet, self-analysis, exercises and breathing techniques help to create that centered feeling of an inner stability and inner security.

Then we can feel free to allow ourselves to flow with life, trusting the Divine, life, others and our own selves; free from the fear of being harmed, overcome or swept off our feet.

The greater our connection with our inner security base, the more spontaneous and free we can allow ourselves to be.

We all need to find our own way of connecting ourselves to the spiritual rock within us, so that we may adjust and cope in a more relaxed way with the ever-changing situations and tests of life.

Be disciplined and flow.

(This small “Parable – Model” is one of over 90 to be found in the forthcoming book “Contemporary Parables” by Robert Elias Najemy.)

Only check your emails twice a day don’t respond each time you receive an email it wastes too much time!
Set up folders for your inbox so you can ‘electronically’ file your emails when you have completed them.
Set up rules within your email so messages are automatically filed for you to read later.
Use colour coding so you can quickly glance over your inbox and see which messages are important.
When you have read an email and actioned it delete it.
Remove yourself from ezines or electronic newsletters you don’t read.
Set up spam filters on your email.
Create an email signature with your contact information so it automatically sends your details with your email.
Leave an ‘out of office’ message if you are away from your desk for more than 24 hours.

Phone Calls
Record a voicemail to notify callers you will call back within 24 hours.
If you are busy all day, change your voicemail message to let callers know you will call them back the next day.
Include your email address in your voicemail for all phones so people can email you instead of leaving a message.
Avoid calling businesses between 10 AM 2 PM as people are in meetings or at lunch.
Turn off your mobile phone if you are working on an important project.
Divert your desk phone to your mobile if you leave the office to avoid checking two voicemail systems.
Use the lift as your guide for turning your mobile on and off. When you are getting into a lift for a meeting, turn your phone off. When you leave the meeting to return to the foyer turn your mobile on. This avoids the embarrassment of your phone ringing in an important meeting.

Filing
If you hate filing, allocate 15 minutes to do your filing every Friday afternoon. Whatever is left over can wait until the following Friday.
Label the outside of filing cabinets for quick reference.
File your manila folders in drawer alphabetically to help you find things quickly.
Use a label maker to keep your files tidy and easy to read.
Use coloured manila folders for different projects i.e. blue for staff, purple for projects, pink for personal etc.

Desk Management
Get rid of your in-tray it is a holding area for paper. If you have to have one, put it out of your line of sight so you don’t get distracted looking at it all day.

Much has been written about finding a harmonious balance between work and life, and this article does not intend to discredit any of it. It is essential to strike a balance between the professional and personal. True success is multidimensional, and if you focus exclusively on work your personal life suffers, and vice versa. Limiting your perspective of success to the two dimensions of work and personal life can lead to a lack of balance within both professional and personal success. To separate life and work into disparate entities misses the point of true success.

The Success Elements

There are elements of success that are the building blocks of professional and personal life. The Success Elements principle is founded on the four elements of Health, Wealth, Wisdom, and Relationships. By achieving balance in all of the Success Elements , you can be assured that your success will transcend both your work life and personal life.

Applying the Success Elements

The application of the Success Elements in your personal life is easy to see. If you focus on Wealth too heavily, your family life will suffer. If you neglect your Health, all other areas of life will suffer. Even focusing on Relationships too much-which on the surface seems laudable-can disrupt everything else.

So now that we have established that the Success Elements are applicable to your personal life, what about business?

Health

Good Health benefits more than your personal life. In business, success in Health will lead to fewer sick days, less burnout, increased focus, greater profitability, and more energy. Health can also lead to a longer and more fruitful career.

Wealth

This has the most obvious application in professional life and needs little explanation. As long as you realize that exclusive focus on any one Success Element can be disastrous, pursuing Wealth is good. Pursuing Wealth, though, does not imply that money is everything. Wealth is about complementing the pursuit of excellence in the other Success Elements .

Wisdom

The Wisdom element can have tremendous impact on your business life. The modern economy rewards innovation and flexibility, and Wisdom is about the continuous pursuit of knowledge and insight. You should seek to constantly expand the horizon of your skill sets, as this will assist you in reaching your professional dreams.

Relationships

At first glance, many think that Relationships only applies to friends and family. But Relationships also applies to your supervisor, subordinates, colleagues, mentors, customers, and community. It is essential for business success to develop strong relationships with everyone in your professional circle. Seek to add value to everyone in your network.
And by all means, do not forget to build a network!

The unique aspect of the Success Elements is that they transcend the individual and can be applied corporately. A company cannot afford to neglect any of the Success Elements . Each element has a place in the business world, and balance among the Success Elements is just as essential for companies as it is for individuals.

So ask yourself, is there balance in your life-in all areas of your life?

Greg Langston is the President of The Langston Group, which offers a comprehensive 100 Day Leadership and Success system called the Integrated Helix System . The Integrated Helix System helps individuals discover their unique strengths (Distinct Natural Abilities ), core values, and lifetime goals, all with a focus on maximizing potential and work-life balance. The Langston Group’s Integrated Helix System is offered to executives, professionals and students. The Langston Group also offers the Wisdom Project, where you can read their collection of the best of the web, updated daily. You can find articles on Health, Wealth, Wisdom, and Relationships-plus a host of articles on technology, interviews with top CEO’s, and the most thought-provoking, leading-edge ideas around.

Langston began his career in the international business arena almost 30 years ago, he had two objectives:
1) Become a successful global leader and
2) Maximize the potential of all those he came into contact with.

While running operations in excess of $1.2 Billion and 8,000 employees, he learned that without a process and technology, these two goals often worked against each other. He created B to provide Life, Personal and Business coaches with a proven roadmap which will help their clients Discover, Determine and Direct their futures while driving an excellent return on investment (ROI).

Are you one of those people who can’t seem to stop “doing?”

I have yet to meet anyone who hasn’t felt overwhelmed from time to time. Since it tends to feel uncomfortable, if not downright unpleasant, we tend to view it as negative and as a weakness. We don’t dare to admit we are overwhelmed or dare to talk about it, which can leave us feeling isolated and alone, further exacerbating the feeling.

We often deny we are overwhelmed because we do not know how to stop the frenetic behavior that leads to this feeling. So we do nothing.

Our employers, colleagues or friends often do not help support us to stop overworking. According to research findings on “60 Minutes”, Americans have finally surpassed the Japanese in the amount of hours we spend working – toiling up to 50-72 hours a week. Wow!

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Primarily, this syndrome occurs in our work life but it can carry over to our personal and family life, and it frequently does.

Focusing on projects often begins with good intentions but we can quickly and easily be overwhelmed if we do not have a plan to minimize and balance our work.

Getting the project finalized for your team, writing the copy for your website, designing the new sales brochure or completing the 90-day marketing plan are extremely important but having a balanced, health life is equally important.

This stressful pattern is telling you to change your life! Once you get this message, it is easier to identify the steps you need to take to shift out of the behavior quickly.

Following are helpful strategies gleaned from my personal experience and from my work with coaching clients who are burned out, growing cranky, frustrated and even depressed. These strategies immediately diminish feelings of being overwhelmed so you can refocus and make some work/life balance decisions.

Stop what you are doing for a few minutes and take a break. Go for a short walk, sit outside under a tree, meditate, breathe deeply, go to a movie, call a friend to have coffee and share what is going on.

Get a piece of paper and make two columns. In one column, list urgent things you need to do this week. In the other column, list those projects that you can delegate, hire or barter to be done.

Eliminate, eliminate, eliminate. Unsubscribe to unnecessary e-mail, organize your desk and office to decrease clutter, stop attending meetings, get off committees and decrease volunteering at fundraisers unless you have a total passion for the organization and the cause.

Do not spend time with people whom you do not like. Assess your friends and business colleagues. Do they support and honor who you are? If they are negative and don’t share your vision for your dreams, don’t spend another minute with them.

Decide what is most important in your life. If you want a balanced life, you will have to make changes in your life to allow this to happen. That takes some time and planning but it will be well worth the improvement in your life!

Take an action step today to make change in your life! Call a friend who will support you, take a class to get organized, or work with a coach who will support and motivate you to have a more balanced life.