You have the power to decide if you wish to ACHIEVE or RETREAT, because when you speak victory words such as “I CAN”, you will attain whatever you set out to do regardless of what others are saying to you. There are many famous entrepreneurs in the world such as Ray Kroc, Fred Astaire, Walt Disney and Dick Clark. I can attest to the fact that if you spoke with each of them individually, they would tell you that in the beginning of their journey the majority of people told them —-you CAN’T do that! Fortunately, they disregarded these statements and listened to their inner voice, who said, “Oh yes I CAN!”

The key in life is to realize the most important person who speaks to you every day is you on the inside! You need to review your WHY in Life and see if your are on track toward achieving your WHY, or are you on a detour because someone told you, “You CAN’T do that so stop dreaming and just forget about it!” As a personal mindset builder, you need to speak to your inner person and say to yourself, “Today I will take another productive stride!”

Each morning, I visualize myself winning. My personal outcome for each day is to build a community of people who we can inspire and motivate all of us to make the world a better place in which to live. I have to admit if it was not for my inner person saying, “John you CAN do it! YOU CAN do it!” I may not be in the position of success that I am today. Some days it is still difficult, but guess what — we ARE doing it!

I am personally very proud and appreciative of the people who have stepped up to the plate and made individual contributions of talent and time and when combined have made an empowered team at the Di Lemme Development Group – a team that keeps on building each day!

In summary, you need to ask yourself a very honest question, “Am I listening to my victory words from the inside or am letting the outer defeat (loser) words control my outcome in life?”.

Find Your Why & Fly,
John Di Lemme
www.FindYourWhy.com

It is the ability to make a choice. The problem is that we often forget that there is a choice in absolutely everything. Even if external circumstances prevent us from doing what we prefer, we have a choice in how we are going to approach the situation. We have control over our attitude, thoughts and feelings.

Being “Stuck”

I often hear people talk about being “stuck” at their jobs. When asked why they don’t move to another job that would be more fulfilling, their reply: “I can’t because I need the health insurance” OR “I can’t because I’ve built up my retirement” and it goes on.

Do you notice anything interesting about those responses? They all revolve around the word “can’t”. The word can’t is disempowering… it’s pretty reasonable to assume if your thought processes around your job involve the word can’t, that you would feel “stuck”, because according to you, you can’t do anything about it.

What else did you notice about those responses? The one thing that I find interesting about them is that if you really dig deeper, you often find that these individuals place high value on their health insurance benefits or retirement packages and although they are unhappy and dissatisfied, the value of these benefits outweigh their dissatisfaction. So, essentially they have made a choice… the benefit to cost ratio tips in favor of the reason they stay.

Empowerment Via Choice

Here is how we are empowered through choice: We are empowered when we are aware that we are choosing something.

Instead of being “stuck” – ask yourself:
-What reasons do I give for staying in the current situation?
-What do I lose?
-What is more important to me right now?”

Once you answer those questions you will have made your choice AND as you are going through the questions and answers you will become aware of the fact that you are making a choice.

The next step would be to ask yourself: “How do I choose to feel about this decision?” This is where attitude comes in….

You Have The Power To Choose!

A “puddle” is the ultimate re-framing of a “bottomless pit” or a “dark hole” or an “abyss” or an “unfathomable chasm” or “deep yogurt” or an “empty void” or “in trouble” or — well, you get the idea. “Moving through puddles” includes the concept of cycles, of life in constant change. We move through puddles more easily when we understand that everything is constantly moving and changing, including us! Feelings of joy when moving through puddles come with the realization of the magnificence of living in an ever-changing Universe.

Bottomless Pit Syndrome

Folks often telephone to tell me they feel stuck or in a bottomless pit of something or other. I accept their perceptions and accompanying feelings as honest representations. And, I know that one of the reasons clients call me is so that I can see what they do not readily see and, in turn, assure them that something more hopeful than hopelessness is really happening for them or is possible.

So, as I hear their stories, I survey their energy field to see how their perceptions are represented, catch the vision of their true desires, and envision them as already empowered. I also suggest that they speak their story briefly because I want to help to move them to where they want to be rather than keeping them in their current circumstances where they do not want to be. I honor their experiences without buying into their beliefs in insufficiency. If I collude with them in their limiting beliefs, I do not serve them. I am of no value to them if I join them in their bottomless pit or dark hole.

Sometimes clients argue for their limitations — trying to convince me how bad it is. My tolerance for interacting in such conversations is low. I listen deeply, compassionately, and quickly — needing minimal details to be helpful — then I suggest or facilitate empowering strategies. Sympathy is not one of my skills; compassion is, however. I am patient, yet my gentle impatience is usually more often a gift to my clients.

Most of my regular clients know that I hear and understand their condition with few facts, so we move effortlessly from their succinct storytelling to strategies for empowerment. Envisioning clients moving through a puddle rather than colluding with them to strengthen the abyss is a gift I offer. My assisting them to see themselves moving through a puddle rather than an abyss is another benefit for them. I witness their process, lovingly.

The Puddle Scenario

So here is the basic puddle scenario, a composite of multiple clients and client sessions. I call the client “Jim,” just so we have a character.

Jim feels feelings he has felt many times before. Once again, he has gotten himself into an untenable position with his boss. Last year, with his previous boss, a similar situation occurred. And, yes, he has experienced somewhat similar dynamics with co-workers and family and friends.

He is angry. He is angry at himself and his boss. He sees two ways to respond: (1) quit and feel like a quitter or (2) stay and feel like a loser. To choose whether it feels better to be a loser than a quitter is not very empowering. Of course, you and I can see immediately, even with little data, that Jim has many more options than these two. However, Jim sees himself as a victim of circumstances, even though he is not typically a victim. Jim sees himself from inside a bottomless pit with two options, not in a puddle with many options.

When you understand the idea of puddles, you view life as a series of experiences. Or a series of puddles. You know that the puddle is simply one experience that will be followed by others. This does not necessarily mean that you wait for the sun to evaporate the puddle, but that is one option. Enjoying making mud pies is another. Putting on your boots is another. Splashing gleefully in the water is another. Dancing in the puddle to the tune of “Singin’ in the Rain” is still another. And there are many more options. See, already this is more fun than weighing the pros and cons of being a quitter or a loser.

Jim’s state of consciousness or mood is the key to how he relates to this experience. If Jim walks into the puddle with his eyes open to the experience, he will move knowingly through the puddle. He will move through it — this is important for him to recognize while he is in the puddle. If Jim walks into the puddle with his eyes closed (the most common way most people get into a puddle), his job is to open his eyes and recognize that he is in a puddle. If he relates to the puddle in some of the ways suggested in the previous paragraph, he will have a more positive experience in this puddle which will open the way to more positive experiences in future puddles. How he feels right now is the key.

The consciousness or mood with which Jim acts makes all the difference; his specific actions are secondary. If Jim has an attitude of strong resistance against stepping into one puddle, he is likely to encounter a bigger and/or denser puddle when next it is puddle time. However, if Jim is joyful as he steps into or around the puddles, he will find most of them dissolve on their own, which means that he can then give his positive attention to the most important puddles.

As Jim focuses on lifting his mood or consciousness, more and more options open for him. He may find himself playing with a big puddle to make a lot of little puddles so that he can more easily navigate through or around them. Or he might play with a lot of little puddles to make one big puddle so that he can spot it more easily or float on top of it or swim through it. Playing can be empowering and fun. He can use the puddles to make him feel more in the flow of life.

What Color is the Puddle?

Since first presenting the idea of Puddles as a way of viewing life’s cycles and challenges (in 1996), I have heard from many clients and readers. Sometimes they telephone to report “I’m in a puddle.” My initial response is “What color is the puddle?” Or I might ask some other playful question that helps to focus the attention on the energetics of the puddle, on what they want, or on how they feel rather than the issues that spin them in circles like a cess pool. It is not that the issues are unimportant, it is that people can deal much more effectively with the issues if they focus on and change the energetics or feelings first rather than attack the specific circumstances when they are discouraged.

Questions that help to give the attention to the energetics of the puddle rather than the details of their problem are: How big is the puddle? Is the puddle muddy or clear? What does the puddle sound like? Additional questions are included in the eight-step process below, which is designed to help you move through a situation you find difficult in a more empowering way.

An Energetic Process

1. Name a situation that you consider to be very challenging or problematic (1-9 words).

2. Describe the situation briefly in the way you might tell a friend you have not seen for a while. This friend, who is wise and enlightened, cares about you and listens quickly.

3. Select an image for the situation that captures how you feel about it. Consider such images as, a brick wall, a bottomless pit, stuck/sticky, hot lava, quicksand, a large vat of brown yogurt, a cesspool, a roller coaster, a sticky pot of dung.

4. Re-frame this situation a “puddle” no matter how it might initially seem. If you have any difficulty naming your situation a mere “puddle,” just start by believing it could be a puddle. You may put your situation in a puddle or put a puddle in your situation. Some of these ideas may make you laugh or smile or feel lighter.

5. Describe the energetic dynamics of the puddle. For example, what color is the puddle? What texture is it? What size is it? How thick/thin is it? What shape is it? What sound does it make? What does it smell like? How does it taste? How does the water feel on your fingers? How close are you to it (or it to you)? If it had a name (other than puddle or pit or pool), what would it be? Add any other dynamics you perceive. Be creative. Play.

6. Experiment with changing the characteristics. For example, if yours is a puddle two feet in diameter, can you change it to one foot or to four feet in diameter? If you cannot, no need to struggle, experiment with changing another aspect. Can you hear your puddle utter a cacophony of shrieks or sing a sweet melody? As you play with such dynamics, you give yourself an experience of dominion over the puddle which can translate to enhanced confidence with respect to the situation itself. Stretch your imagination.

7. Clarify desires about your puddle. How close do you desire the puddle to be? What color do you desire the puddle to be? What song would you like to sing while you are in your puddle

Her simple words, “Look at all the beauty still around you and be happy” is advice we could all use, despite our predicaments. I was drawn to the words “still left around you” in this quote because I understood her predicament. Her whole peaceful calm world eroded around her till there was nearly unbearable circumstances left. I grew up under such circumstances, though it was camouflaged as merely a dysfunctional family or home. Yet, in her innocent mind and heart she found place to be kind to those other 6 people with whom she shared her terrible circumstances while in hiding.

After contemplating Anne Frank’s situation and her quote, I began to think about my life now and my own every day predicaments and I questioned whether I was being kind enough to others around me. I have been out of work since 2005 due to a disease that has turned my world upside down and I have since become resentful and unkind. Here is where self-empowerment’s price is felt. Discovering and admitting my weaknesses is a painful process for me. But they say that knowing your faults is half the battle.

There is another quote that goes, “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” I believe it is anonymous but pay no attention to that for the moment. “Be kinder than necessary” are the words that jump out at me there. You see in this battle that exists inside ourselves to grow, to mature, we often doll out kindness, and love, in measures that we deem as fair, as if there were a shortage of these behaviors or a given amount we need worry about less we run out. No- kindness is always in plentiful supply for us to use if we just want to. Now if I were to follow the anonymous quote’s advice I would give more than is necessary. Why? Because we never know what a person has gone through that day. I could be they were having an Anne Frank day. It is observed by the writer that everyone is facing some kind of battle today.

I feel the need to apply to myself the admonition given today. I think I can find more place for kindness than I have. I think if Anne Frank can do it, so can I. Today I feel empowered because I know what I need to do. I will look at the beauty still around me and I will display kindness to all I meet, but especially to those who are close to me. I shall refresh someone like it were a spring day even though it is the winter of my life.

With such an expected and requested default answer “No” becomes one of the most powerful words we can use – if we can manage it! With all the pressure though, overcoming this momentum for “Yes” can be incredibly difficult sometimes.

While it is still very important to make sure we are clear what we want to say yes to it is equally important, if not more so, to be clear when to say no. Specifically the issue here is to be clear about what is important to us. Yes and no are equally viable and relevant answers in the appropriate circumstances – but may yield drastically different results.

Saying yes when we really mean no can lead to resentment, frustration, confusion, and dissatisfaction or even worse. So if understanding and applying the right answer is so important – how do we figure it out?

The most important step in figuring out which answer is right is to start off by understanding what is important to us. This can quite simply be done with a simple reflection process. Take a moment to slow down and sink into your body. Allow yourself to notice sensations in your body without seeking to change them. Relax and connect with your inner voice of knowledge. Now ask yourself a few simple questions about issues in your life. Notice how your body reacts. Is it energized? Does your body feel drained or depleted? One of those reactions will occur with Yes and the other with No in response to the question. Typically the response that energizes us the most is the answer that is most relevant and thus most important to us. All you need to do is notice the response and thus the answer.

So now that we have our Yes/No list of life – how do we apply it? That seems easier said than done sometimes. The reality is it all boils down to the simple issue of honesty. Are you ready, willing and able to be honest first with yourself and then with others? This can be the hardest step as well as the most liberating.

Try out the “no” answer on something small at first. Maybe something as simple as “Would you like more coffee?” or some such similar question. Notice the contentment and satisfaction you feel in giving the honest answer or even just using the word! See where we can begin to apply that answer in ways that feel comfortable and empowering. Notice how your body reacts and feels more alive. Experiment with new questions and new opportunities.

Once you get comfortable with these easier answer comes the hard part – how do you say no to something we already said yes to? While perhaps a bit more uncomfortable it is still the same technique of honesty. When speaking with honesty it is also important to speak with patience, compassion and understanding. Remember that what we are essentially doing is changing the message we have previously communicated. Do not allow guilt or shame to color the communication though. Speak clearly about your decision and the realization to change the answer.

With openness and honesty we can all speak clearly from our hearts about what is truly yes and truly no. Over time it gets easier and we have to correct ourselves less and less.

In the meantime do you know what the most powerful word in our vocabulary is?

“No”?

Emmeline was born in Manchester, UK in 1858. She was the daughter of very forward thinking parents for their time, Robert and Sophia Goulden.

You can read more about Emmeline, often referred to as Emily, by visiting this link,

http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/WpankhurstE.htm

Briefly, Emmeline was highly instrumental in forming the UK’s Suffragette Movement and in doing so she eventually brought about the right for women to vote.

Now OK, both our male and female readers could be forgiven for thinking, ‘hey hang on a minute, this is an attempt to promote feminist views’.

However I can assure you it is not because I am not out to promote any kind of political agenda so please bear with me, especially our male readers. You’re not about to come under fire here.

The point I am trying to highlight is the sheer belief that Emmeline held deep within herself.

This was that she could make change happen in a society that had always shaped and dominated the view that women had a far lesser role to play than their male counterparts and that their worth as a human being was also far less.

This was evident by the fact that at that time, women could not enter many professions in particular the medical and law profession. Even by today’s standards, in the UK especially, female barristers still have a hard time reaching the Bar Council and as far as I am aware, in all of British history right up to the current date, there is not a single female judge sitting in the House of Lords, Britains highest law court.

Can you also believe that it was only in 1991, that the House of Lords finally overturned a legal ruling that had stood for centuries? This was that it was accepted in law that it was legal for a man to rape his wife in marriage.

Only in 1991 was this barbaric law finally thrown out and replaced with new legislation that it is indeed now illegal for a husband to assault his wife.

Imagine then, back in the early 1900′s when the Edwardian society were still feeling embarrassed by their gaudy Victorian parents, the incredible struggle that Emmeline must have endured despite being arrested and thrown in prison many times over because she believed women should have more rights, especially the simple, most precious right of all, the right to vote.

So here is the question that springs to mind.

What kept Emmeline going? What kept this amazing woman strong in the face of such adversity during a time where society had been trained to view women in an extremely poor light? Where did her incredible strength and durability come from?

The simple answer was the belief in her own power.

The Power of One.

Now, the whole point of writing about this most incredible British woman is to demonstrate to both men and women, that no matter what you face, how much you feel trapped, how much you want change or how much you are facing the disapproval of others, you too have that same power within you. If Emmeline could create such change back then at that point in history, you can do the same today.

Emmeline was fortunate because she had parents who were radical and fully in control of what they believed. They owned their own personal right to make the choices and decisions that they felt were right for them and they passed their passionate beliefs and attitudes onto their daughter who as a result turned society up on it’s head.

Although she was such a free thinking spirit considering the time in which she lived,a period which had just emerged from a stiff, highly reserved Victorian era, ironically Emmeline cast aside her inspired thinking, which had so victoriously set her apart from the restrictions of the then society, when she refused to speak to her daughter Sylvia for the crime of having an illegitimate child.

Refusing to have anything to do with Sylvia or her grandson, Emmeline died in 1928.

How odd that she had set so many women free, orchestrated a complete change of attitude towards women in society, achieved far improved standards of working and living conditions for women, and brought about their equal right to vote. Yet, she was bound up in a belief that it was wrong to have a child out of wedlock to such an extent that she disowned her own daughter and grandchild.

How sad that this gallant, free spirited woman passed from this life on earth without forgiving her own flesh and blood. Even more sad was that she could not see that Sylvia was now a product of a much freer society that Emmeline herself had created.

This was clearly a limiting belief that Emmeline held as a boundary to what she found unacceptable and in some ways, it backfired as limiting beliefs so often do mostly because they lead to bad judgements and intolerance.

These two points are inextricably linked. Power and acceptance, power and acceptance, power and acceptance.If we say them over and over, they begin to chime harmoniously together.

Emmeline Pankhurst was an incredible woman living in a brief space of time where she made the impossible happen because of her own power (what she chose to believe was right for her) and what she chose to accept (what she believed was either unacceptable or acceptable to her on a personal level.) When she chose to adopt the limiting belief that her daughter was wrong to have a child out of wedlock, her choice cost both her and her daughter great pain so having set so many women free, Emmeline actually trapped herself by believing it was right to ignore her daughter and grandchild.

We can as individuals draw on many helpful lessons from learning about inspiring people like Emmeline Pankhurst.

For example, we can ask ourselves:

Do I feel powerful enough to change my life?

What is acceptable to me?

What do I feel unable to accept that I am currently accepting?

What limiting beliefs am I holding onto?

One further point about Emmeline that positively shines out a mile, is that she knew who she was and what she was here to do.

How many of us know the same about ourselves today?

I know from the many clients I see that when I ask them to tell me who they actually are, they look at me with a blank expression and they struggle to answer the question.

This tells me that they’ve become so bogged down in the details of life, that they know their friends better than themselves and that over time, they have become a complete stranger to who they really are.

I chose to write about Emily Pankhurst for this particular article because when I was 12 and studying history at school, I’d been dozing through the lesson when my history teacher threw a book in my direction and yelled at me in front of the whole class,

‘Listen you stupid girl! Because of Emmeline Pankhurst, you are a free woman today! You could at the very least be grateful’!

I wasn’t stupid and I wasn’t deliberately ignoring the lesson, I was tired from being up at 4.30am to help at home. But my incredibly irate history teacher, rightly or wrongly in the way she approached it, got my attention and I have admired and been inspired ever since by women like Emmeline Pankhurst. I found a lot of my own strength and power in viewing her as my own role model for standing up for my beliefs and achievements today.

Whether you’re male or female, if you want to bring positive change to your current life or circumstances, the first line of action you need to take is to begin questioning and often change your perception of the way in which you see your own world. This means taking a shrewd and honest view of what you currently believe about yourself, the environment you live in and the role others play in shaping your life.

It’s all about the questions you ask inwardly and the dialogue you have with yourself then taking a leap of faith in making choices and decisions that are right for you.

The most important step in time management is evaluating our schedules. On a sheet of paper write up a “typical” week for you, by looking at your current schedule you will be able to identify places where better time management could be use. Ask yourself why you are feeling unsatisfied with your schedule? Make a list of what you want to change and what you want to make room for. Do you want more time to peruse interests? More time to be with your children? Or just more time to get everything done?

After you have done this take a piece of paper and draw three columns. In the first column put a list of all appointments, events, or commitments that are “set in stone”, things that take place at a set time and happen daily, weekly or monthly. Such as work, club meetings, or standing doctor’s appointments. In the second column put “flexible” tasks or commitments that can be done around your “set in stone” commitments, such as grocery shopping, house cleaning, or having lunch with a friend. In the third column put those “occasional” appointments, doctor appointments, a school play, or an old friend coming into town (or anything that does not fall into the other two columns).

Then using a calendar (preferably one with large spaces for the days) Or use a notebook and label each page a day or two (depending on how much you are trying to accomplish daily or weekly.) Start putting in the items from your three columns, starting with the items that are “set in stone” then the items that are occasional, leave the “flexible” items to last since you are able to put them in around the other things.

The objective is to balance out your days and to maximize your time. Why make a separate trip to the pharmacy when it is on your way to your son’s soccer practice? I always try to plan appointments in the same area on the same day, this reduces my travel time and gets the most out of my day.

The biggest thing to consider is: Are you doing too much? No matter how well time is managed there is such a thing as an overload of commitments. Time management is not just about structuring your week so that you can get everything accomplished. It is about creating a manageable schedule that will give you time for the important things in life. So, before looking at your time management skills look at what you are trying to juggle.

Include things that you want to do but just don’t seem to have time for in your day. What is the sense of managing your time better just to fit in more work? A part of time management is balancing so that you can have time to enjoy the fun stuff in life too.

If you are so booked solid that you can not schedule an hour and a half of quality family time, an hour of time with your significant other, and at least at the very minimum 30 minutes 45 minutes of time for yourself then you have too much on your plate and it is time to ask for help to relieve yourself of some commitments. Being run down and worn-out will not assist you in better time management, in fact it will hinder it.

Purpose of this Meditation

The purpose of this guided meditation is to help you to ground an idea. That is, to help an idea of your choosing to manifest. In my view, it is easy to have an idea, even a brilliant idea; it is not so easy to manifest it if our contradictory thoughts get in the way.

Instructions

Find a comfortable place, sitting or lying down, where you can be fully relaxed and open to the ideas and energy of this guided meditation. After settling down and before reading, take three long, deep breaths to calm and empty yourself.

Reading this Meditation

This guided meditation is designed for you to read aloud to yourself or to someone else. For yourself, you may find that creating an audio tape recording is particularly effective. Speed reading this meditation will not accelerate spiritual progress! In fact, speaking slowly in a monotone is beneficial when guiding this meditation, even though such an approach is generally frowned upon in public speaking.

The designation “……” indicates a pause, during which you may choose to be quiet or close your eyes and experience whatever comes to you. The …… may look awkward as you glance at the page. However, when you are reading the meditation, it serves as a reminder to slow down generally and pause at that place.

During the meditation, you will be instructed to identify an idea you want to manifest, which will then be referred to as (your idea). In place of (your idea), read or think the idea you have identified or read “your idea” if you are reading this to someone else.

The Meditation: Brief Grounding of an Idea

Breathe in your essence. Your essence is who you are. Your essence is pure and clear. …… Receive it. …… Let it flow downward through your body, through the various layers and levels of who you are. ……

Let energy flow from the spiritual layer downward through the mental layer, into the emotional layer and then into the physical layer. This is the direction for manifestation. Experience energy as it flows from the top down. ……

Anchor the energy by moving it down through the body, through these layers and levels, down to the feet. …… Linger at the feet so this magnificent energy from above becomes so familiar to the feet that you know easily when to step forward, move back, or stand still. …… Let your feet continue to vibrate so they place you exactly where you need to be, when you need to be there. ……

From your feet, follow the energy further down, into the earth, and then down into the center of the earth. …… Anchor the energy at the center. You may find it helpful to envision tying a knot in the center of the earth with a cord that flows downward with the energy. ……

Once again, open at the top to allow vibrant energy to flow into the energy field and flow downward. ……

Now, shift your attention to the bottom of your energy field and change the direction of the flow of energy. By opening at the soles of your feet and the base of your spine, you welcome up the earth�s vibration. …… Rich, thick, beautiful energy from Mother Earth flows upward. …… It flows up to support you, …… to bring the essence of the ground up to you, …… to help you know, without a doubt, that you are in the right place at the right time. ……

Align now with your life mission and higher purpose. …… Also align with your intention for the idea that you wish to manifest. …… Take all the time you need to identify the mission, purpose, and intention. …… Relax. ……

Now, name an idea that you want to manifest. …… Notice if it is solid enough to be brought into manifestation. …… Make it more solid and dense, if needed, by drawing more Mother Earth energy into it. …… As soon as you have named this idea, relax into the energy that flows from the top down. …… Relax and open. ……

Focus your attention at the top of your head. …… Envision (your idea) at the top of your head. …… Slowly, allow (your idea) to move downward, down through the layers and levels, down to the feet, and down into the center of the earth. …… Notice any resistance or heaviness or discomfort. …… Ask (your idea) if it wants to manifest in your life. Listen to the answer. ……

Rather than trying to force (your idea) to manifest, observe if (your idea) flows into the earth, easily and effortlessly. You will not benefit by trying to manipulate (your idea); instead, be in the flow. Notice and appreciate. ……

Notice if you remain grounded in this process. Notice if (your idea) is grounded, joyous, ready. If not, let it go! If so, let it go! If it wants to change, let it change.

When both you and (your idea) are joyous, (your idea) manifests in your life!

Years ago when I trained managers and trainers, I liked to be playful with the group. The company I was working with one day had a culture that was closest to acronym heaven than I had ever before or since experienced. So, I wrote on the flip chart in large letters: B O Q.

“Today we are going to learn about the BOQ,” I said, pronouncing it Bock. My demeanor suggested they already knew or should know what the letters stood for, just the way that most acronyms are stated. Came a flurry of activity as they wrote the letters, trying to jog their collective memories of the words that B, O, and Q might possibly represent.

I did not leave them long in this state of mild confusion. They knew me well enough to know that I liked to play. They rose to the occasion and expressed their relief in laughter as I said, pointing letter by letter: Basic Operating Question.

One way of thinking of the Basic Operating Question is to consider it your default question. It is the question you think of first when you view a certain type of situation.

For example, when the phone rings, the BOQ that comes into your mind is usually something like, “Who’s that? If you have a tense relationship with your boss who motions you to his or her office, your BOQ might be “What have I done wrong now?” You walk into a room with others present and your BOQ might “What’s going on here?”

A BOQ can be positive, negative, or neutral. It can be empowering or disempowering. It can be easy to answer or not. It can be verbalized out loud or only thought about. The question itself as well as the quality and resonance of the question guides the quality and resonance of the answer.

The purpose of identifying your Basic Operating Questions is to discover if they are helpful and empowering. And, if not, to craft more helpful and empowering ones. A long-time habit of asking a particular Basic Operating Question will not necessarily be instantly changed just because of discovering one that you consider better, but that is a good starting place. After identifying one or more of these, it is important to practice your new Basic Operating Questions, as often as possible.

What is your BOQ in each of the situations you regularly face in your life? Once you have identified it, remember that the only way to incorporate a new skill is to practice, practice, practice.

So I jumped right in and began my 6:30am wake up time and 7am meditation. What I quickly remembered was that this was one of the things that I *hated* about working in the corporate world – alarm clocks! But I was committed and I was enjoying the meditation. At day 9 though – I hit a wall!!

I woke up that morning tired, grouchy, resentful and pissed off at having made a commitment I wasn’t sure I could keep. I had no idea what to do about it but I had a plan formulating in my brain. The only problem was it felt like I was breaking my commitment. I felt icky.

My brain started off saying what I couldn’t do and I focused on the “No’s”. The further I went down this path the more I felt like I was dropping out of my commitment. Finally I was asked one simple question: “What can you say ‘Yes!’ to?” I felt like a light bulb had gone off in my head. It was such a simple shift!

So much of my life and work is about asking that simple question – “What can I say ‘Yes’ to?” It changed the whole feeling around this meditation. I wasn’t breaking my commitment I was just saying the parts that worked for me. When it came right down to there was only one part that I couldn’t say ‘Yes!’ to – the 7am phone call. But I had an alternative and I was ready and willing to use it! Everyone involved was excited to hear my plan and fully supportive too!

The next day I woke up feeling refreshed and excited about my alternative plan and I used it for the best meditation yet! Saying ‘Yes!’ instead of ‘No!’ had shifted my entire energy around the project and I was ready to continue.
When struggling with details and solutions I find it usually most helpful to focus on what I want or need and what I’m willing to do. This time around I just needed a little outside perspective to shake things up a bit and make sure that was my view.

So how do you say ‘Yes’ instead of ‘No’? The simplest way to start is quite simply to listen to you body – is it energized or depleted? Now take that observation and switch it around if necessary – ask what would energize you. You might even seek some outside support or perspective to help you see the big picture. From there it’s as simple as finding out which parts make you shout ‘YES!!’

Then…well…say ‘Yes!’ and proceed with the plan.