As I was driving home last week, I noticed a little boy and his mother by the side of the road. They had stopped walking and the mother was adjusting a toy crossbow to fit more comfortably over the boy’s shoulder. I realized that at that moment in the heart and mind of that small boy, he was not on a sidewalk by a busy road. Perhaps he was hunting in a forest, or was an intrepid explorer of the unknown, ready to pull out his bow and arrows at the slightest hint of danger. In his imagination he was a hero, confident, skilled, and brave. He was alert, prepared, with the expectation of overcoming danger or threat with his skill and swift reflexes.

For a child involved in imaginative play, there is very little distinction between fantasy and reality. Children live and play out their dreams totally in the moment.

There are many principles of success that can be learned by looking through the eyes of a child. Children’s eyes see with clarity and perception and reflect the reality of who they are. Children are uncluttered by training, brainwashing, and by living according to the unwritten rules and etiquette that have assailed the adult mind. For a child life has limitless possibilities that have not been squashed by logic, common sense, or limiting expectations that become part of the adult mind.

What principle of success can be drawn from the little boy with his bow and arrow?

One of the most powerful and yet unused principles of success is the process of visualization. Visualization is the act of creating compelling and vivid pictures in your mind. This is just what the little boy was doing. He was “that hero”; he acted like him, dressed like him, and could picture himself in another time and another place. For him, it seemed like reality. This is a spontaneous, natural process for a child.

Researchers have found that visualization accelerates achievement in powerful ways. It has been proved by research that when performing any task in life the brain uses the same identical processes that it would if you were only vividly visualizing that activity. The brain sees no difference at all between visualizing something and actually doing it.

This principle also is applicable when a person is learning something new. Visualization makes the brain achieve more. In a study by researchers at Harvard University, it was found that students who visualized in advance were able to perform tasks with nearly 100 percent accuracy. Students who performed tasks without using visualization only achieved 55 percent accuracy.

Visualization is frequently used by Olympic and professional athletes to improve performance.
Jack Nicklaus, a legend in the golfing world, once described how he uses visualization. “I never hit a shot, not even in practice, without having a very sharp in-focus picture of it in my head. It’s like a color movie. First I “see” where I want it to finish, nice and white and sitting high on the bright green grass. Then the scene quickly changes, and I “see” the ball going there: its path, trajectory, and shape, even its behaviour on landing. Then there’s a sort of fade out, and the next scene shows me making the kind of swing that will turn the previous images into reality.” The results of the power of visualization for Jack Nicklaus are convincing: he has won over 100 tournaments earning over 5.7 million in the process.

For a child a high proportion of time is spent in visualization. Adults may say, “He’s only playing” and not see the potential power for success that the child is practicing. Visualization is a process that is naturally strong in the learning and formative years of the child. Research now confirms that visualization activates the creative powers of the subconscious mind. It focuses the brain by programming its reticular activating system (RAS) to notice available resources that were always there but previously unnoticed. Visualization, incredibly, also magnetizes and attracts you to the people, resources, and opportunities you need to achieve your goal.

Next time you see children playing, pause to watch visualization in its purest form. What can you learn and apply to your own life to accelerate and achieve greater success using the principle of visualization?

Firstly write down a statement outling your intent and alter it so that it becomes an affirmation or set of affirmations. Make it present tense and very positive in nature. “I am increasing my confidence everyday”, “I am self assured and self confident in every situation” and “I can feel my self-esteem increasing everyday” are a few good examples.

Ensure that you do not include the negative aspect your goal or what you do not want such as “I am no longer lacking in confidence” or “My low self-esteem is getting better”. These statements focus on the situation as it is not how you want it to be. So remember keep the statement positive and only include what you do want! While still in a waking state imagine how you would look and feel if these statements were true. Make a quick mental movie of how the new you would walk, talk and interact with people. Create a mental movie that shows you being confident in situations that would normally leave you feeling a lack of confidence. You will use this mental movie during your self-hypnotic trance session.

Begin by breathing deeply. In through your nose to the count of five and out through your mouth to the count of five. This will relax your body.

Focus your gaze softly on a spot in front of you. Look for somewhere that is slightly above eye-level while you keep your head straight.

Relax each muscle group of your body beginning with your feet and moving up to your head. While doing this allow your eyes to close when they begin to feel heavy.

Now take a deep breath and on the exhale mentally repeat your affirmation. Do this for several cycles until you feel that the affirmation is beginning to feel like the truth.

Continue to breathe deeply and imagine that you are at a movie theatre. Directly in front of you hangs a huge wide projection screen. Up on the massive widescreen begin to project the mental movie you made earlier and let it run several times. Hear the audience cheer as the movie runs. Clap and cheer yourself as you watch that ‘other’ you acting how you want to act and exhibiting the type of confident behaviour you want to have.

Continue your deep slow breathing as it will keep you relaxed.

Now imagine that you are floating up towards the screen. The audience is going wild as they know what is about to happen. They are cheering you on! Imagine that you float into the screen and become part of the movie. You stop behind the “other confident you” and find yourself facing the back of his/her head.

At this time take a step and walk into that ‘new’ you just as you would step into a projection or as though you wear trying on some new clothes. The new you is a perfect fit! Watch as the colours around get brighter, the sounds get louder and the scene gets bigger. As you enter the new you, feel how it feels to be that person. See what that person sees. Hear what that person hears.

In the distance on the other side of the screen you can hear the audience going wild with delight as you perform and act as that ‘other’ you would act. Feel how good that feels.

Now repeat your affirmations as you imagine the ‘other’ confident you would say them. Believe the truth behind these statements and feel that they are true. Say them with conviction.

Now once you feel all those great feelings of confidence, self assurance and self esteem just allow the scene to begin to fade. Mentally begin to count down from five to one as you allow your eyes to slowly open. Become fully aware of your surroundings as you bring yourself back to physical reality but bring with you all those good feelings.

His captors were so impressed with his strength that they sold him to the Roman navy as a rower for their warships. Again Ben-Hur refused to give up. He used his great strength to become the best rower on the boat. Eventually, he was given the special privilege of not being chained to the boat.

Later in a great naval battle, his boat was rammed and sunk. Because Ben-Hur was not chained, he was the only slave to escape. He was able to save the admiral who had given permission to have him unchained. The admiral was so grateful; he took him to Rome and adopted him as his son. Later when the admiral died, Ben-Hur inherited his great wealth. He eventually made his way back to Jerusalem and was reunited with his mother and sister.

What can we learn from this story? Instead of slipping into despair from the injustice done to him, Ben-Hur burned with great desire for freedom and to right the wrong done to him. He refused to give up. Despite the hopeless situation he found himself in, he spent his time preparing himself. When opportunities came he took advantage of them.

Winston Churchill

“To every man there comes . . . that special moment when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a special thing unique to him and fitted to his talent. What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for the work which would be his finest hour.”

Many have had to go through tough times. Many think their situations are hopeless. Many think they are in dead-end jobs going nowhere. There is an amazing miracle waiting for those who bide their time by preparing and improving themselves.

Develop your talents. Don’t waste your time spending hours watching TV or spending unproductive time on the Internet. Take classes. Successful people never stop learning. Improve the skills you already have. Improve your reading, writing, and vocabulary.There seems to be a universal law which seems to always send opportunity to those who are moving forward. You will be amazed when that opportunity comes along that your unique collection of talents and abilities fits it perfectly.

The question is – how to find the weaknesses? Many times, we realize our weaknesses ourselves. Sometimes, our friends and
family members tell us about them. In the same way, quizzes about our personality can help us find our strengths and weaknesses.

Science has developed many tests and quizzes to find about personality traits. But none of these tests and quizzes can be precise. Every theory gets demolished after few years and gets replaced by a new theory. So are the quizzes based on any particular system of any help? Questions are the answers. Human mind has developed over the years by asking questions. Was the sun revolving around the earth or the earth was revolving around the sun? Why things fall when dropped? Why does wind blow? Why do we have day and nights? Why do we get angry? Why do we have emotions? There are so many questions that have hammered us over centuries and with questions, the answers have emerged. The answer is found out only if you ask questions. Let us look at this in terms of quizzing.

In tests and quizzes, we are asked many questions, and given options to mark our answers. The questions may not be perfectly drafted, nor are the answers are given after a great thought. No one can evaluate a person by quizzes and tests. It can only give an indication of probability. But it helps raise questions in the mind of the quiz taker. When he/she comes across a question, the mind thinks about that. That development of thinking process is the biggest advantage of quizzing and testing. Quizzes and tests by themselves may not give any perfect answer. But they can make a person think.

Not getting started is common. Even with all the great enthusiasm and excitement we had about the year, the diversion of the holidays and then just trying to get back into our normal routines didn’t allow us to incorporate our new goals into our old schedules. The goals we initially set now seem too difficult to know where to start. Simply put, we are busy and distracted by the overall tasks of our lives. Don’t worry. There is always “tomorrow” or next year.

The other common element to resolution failure is burn out. It is comically predictable, but have you ever noticed the level of activity the first week of January? Go to any gym and you will see it packed. In fact, January 1st and 2nd are two of the busiest days in gym attendance. Weight loss groups, dating sites, financial planners, career advisors, and support groups all report high activity the first week of January.

Everyone wants to get in shape, lose weight, meet someone, get a better job, save money, quit smoking, quit drinking and more. So we start out the year no holds barred and go for it! Unfortunately the results we want don’t come as fast as our initial enthusiasm and when we don’t see quick changes we lose our motivation. As the weeks go by the crowds disappear and soon everything is back to normal activity levels as we all slip back into our routines. Then we stay there until another failed attempt next January. The result is that 2006 will be yet another year you failed to achieve the changes you wanted.

The New Year motivates us to start, but we need to develop a habit of successful behavior. As Jim Ryan put it, “Motivation is what gets us started. Habit is what keeps us going.”

You can develop success habits and remedy lack of or diminished motivation with a life coach technique called “ABC.”

A = Action. Start taking action today. We don’t achieve change through thinking about it, but by doing something.

B = Bite size. Reduce all your new activities to small daily actions. It truly is amazing how doing something small doesn’t overwhelm us and produces amazing results. When we take on too much we either don’t start or can’t keep it up. Work out 10 minutes a day; send out one resume a day, save a little money every day and the results will materialize over time.

C = Consistency. Through the accumulation of small actions, we get big results. Do your bite size action activities daily!

We all want big changes, but literally think about the change in your pocket. We have all taken our daily change and placed it in a container of some sort. Before long, that pile of nickels and dimes had grown to several dollars. If you want to produce real changes, concentrate on the ABC Success Habits. Get into action today with small bite size activities consistently and before you know it, you’ll be going to the bank at the end of 2006 with a sizable deposit of results.

From the very day you were born up to this very moment while you are reading this article, you are surrounded by negativity. It is bombarding you constantly! Your parents raised you the best way they could but in many ways this was like “the blind leading the blind”. They, as imperfect people, did an imperfect job. Your teachers tried to direct you as best they could with a flawed educational system as imperfect human beings also. Peers, hurting from emotional traumas, ridiculed and belittled you in the playground and beyond. Peer pressure has left you with emotional scars that just won’t seem to heal.

There are a thousand reasons that can be given for your present position in life, your outlook and your lack of belief in yourself. However, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”, Old Chinese Adage. In personal development that single, and most important, step is accountability or taking full responsibility for your life. To begin your steps and journey on the path to success it is of paramount importance to take accountability for the decisions, actions and thoughts that have lead you to where you currently are. You must stop blaming others for the way you feel, for the state of your life and your circumstances. The things that happened in the past cannot be changed, altered or removed. The past has already happened and what happened in the past should stay there. Your power is always in the present.

Not matter how hard you try or how much you moan, complain and feel regretful you simple cannot change the past. You must fully accept that it occurred and accept that you are who you are now and you are where you are now because of your own decisions and actions. Eliminate the need to blame others, circumstances or your environment for your problems. If you take responsibility and accountability for your own life and circumstances you will release a tremendous power that currently lies dormant within you. You will release you infinite power and potential.

Blaming others for you problems or current circumstances will lead you to ruin in the long run. The simple fact of the matter is, that if others are responsible for your problems then you have no way of changing those problems. You have handed your power to someone else. If it is their doing then only they can fix it. However, when you begin to realize that you are the only person who is responsible for your life and your problems then you also realize that you are the only one who can fix them! This is an exhilarating feeling when you truly grasp the concept and accept it. You no longer need to rely on others to “fix” you or your life. You can immediately regain full control everything in your life and begin to direct your own destiny.

By trying to manipulate circumstances, environments or people you will always remain out of control. You can never control everything nor everyone. But the great news is you can recreate YOUR world as you see fit! Although you can never control the actual world nor control the people in it, you can make your world (your surroundings, home, job the people you meet and interact with etc.) they way you want it to be .

We are told in numerous religious teachings that we were made in the image and likeness of The Creator. God-force resides within each and everyone of us. This means we have access to infinite resources and infinite power. Your infinite power has expression in the physical world through your decision or intention.

There is a desire within everyone to better their life. This desire takes different forms and has different objectives but we all have it. Many have been carrying these desires their entire lives never getting close to realising them. If we are all connected to the Source of all things, being made in the likeness and image of our Creator, where do you think that desire originates?

You would not be given desires and the yearning to better yourself and your life if it were not possible to achieve same. You were not put here to struggle. You came to overcome challenges and to enjoy the journey of life. You were given the tools to achieve anything you want and those tools reside within you.

Start with ambition! Decide that you can and will reach your goals because you now know that you are responsible for the direction your life takes and no-one else.

Create a vision that will stoke the fires of your enthusiasm. A vision that means something to only you. Something you have always wanted to achieve, be or do. The kind of vision that makes your heart sing and soul take flight. Set your intention to achieve it. You are responsible. This is your vision for the future. This is the vision of your perfect life.

Now set stepping stone goals. Goals that once achieved have brought you that bit closer to your vision. Always set a goal that will take some effort to achieve but that does not seem so impossible that you will get discouraged and quit.

Write down your vision and your goals. Make statements that reflect positive outcomes as though they have already happened i.e. “I am extremely grateful now that I own my own successful business”.

Never frame the statement in negative terms or in a way that reflects the “wanting” of the goal. By wanting a thing you are, in fact, just confirming to yourself that you lack it! When you have a “want” you are really sending a clear message to yourself that you do not already have it! you want it because you don’t have it!

Let’s take an example – your vision states that you want harmony in your home. You make the decision that you no longer think the area where you live is desirable. You believe that it is causing untold damage to your family due to the negative nature of your environment. You decide that a good stepping stone goal would be to move to a better area. In order to do this you decide you need to find a better job to pay for the house. In order to get better employment it be become necessary to return to education, perhaps through a night class or correspondence course etc. Each goal should build the previous one.

Let’s return to the example of the house. You set one of your stepping stone goals to buy a house in a better area, let’s call this area “The Keys”. Never word a goal in terms that are negative i.e., “I don’t want to live here anymore” or place your goal in the future, i.e., “I will live in a 5 bedroom house in The Keys”. You would phrase it positively and in the present, i.e., “I enjoy the solitude, relaxed, comfortable environment my new five bedroom house in The Keys provides for me and my family”.

Ensure that you set a deadline for the attainment of your goal but again, make it realistic. Chose a goal that is just out of reach but not so far out of reach that achieving it seems impossible. As you progress in your own personal development and begin to access and realise the true power of your intentions and thoughts your deadlines can get closer and your goals will get bigger. For example, “It is [write future date] and I live in a 5 bedroom house in The Keys.”

Read this statement twice a day. Morning and night. Visualize your goal and then your vision as being real in the here and now. To this successfully you need to get very specific and very detailed. The more specific your goal is, the faster you will achieve it. What colour are the carpets in those 5 bedrooms? Is the entrance hall tiled? Perhaps you have wooden floors. What size is the garden? Is there a garage?

Now that you have set your goal it is necessary to calculate the best way of achieving it. Don’t worry if you can’t think of a way of achieving your vision or the path to your goal may be a little hazy at the minute. Taking whatever small steps you can right now will open up other opportunities and clearer path will become visible. However, for now let’s assume you know how to get to your goal. Set yourself small stepping-stone tasks that when followed and executed leave you that little bit closer to your final destination. Schedule these steps. This is where a “one page to one day” diary is invaluable. These small easy to manage and perform tasks are the concrete on your road to success. Take them everyday and you cannot fail to reach your goal. As you become more proficient at personal development techniques like these you will find that you will set your sights higher. Your goals will get bigger, your tasks will become greater and your life will be more enriched!

Enthusiasm is to be found where those most important things you value reside. These are the things that light you up. It is easy to know what lights you up because you know the feeling, no matter how fleeting. Just before the rational mind starts convincing you that you are mistaken, your heart soars for a moment. Your eyes light up and you hear that “Yes!!!” from deep inside. This is the seat of enthusiasm. Grab it, examine it and, above all, do more of whatever it is that creates it!

The power of enthusiasm can get you through many problems, ill-health, and disappointing experiences. It increases your physical vitality and helps you to keep going even when you think you don’t have any more strength. It adds importance to everything that you do.

Enthusiasm can have a profound effect on the physical body as well. The pitch of your voice, your heart rate, even your posture, not to mention your energy level changes when you are filled with enthusiasm. In addition, people around you can detect it and will be affected too, because enthusiasm is contagious. An enthusiastic person is just more enjoyable to be around. When you are pleasant, upbeat, excited, or express a passionate behavior, others are infected. It is stimulating and attracts others to you; which will change your personal and professional life, for the better!

Keep in mind that enthusiasm is not the same thing as just being excited. You can get excited about your new car. However, you would be enthusiastic about all the things that happened, the actions you took to get that shiny new delite in your driveway. This includes knowing you were ready to get a better and newer car and you made a commitment to get it, now. Then you used your time and energy to investigate various models and ultimately decided which one is had your name stamped on it. The test drive cemented your decision, so you took the leap and signed your “john hancock” to all those forms.

Every new invention and creation is due to enthusiasm on the part of the inventor or creator. What you did to create this car is wear the enthusiasm lies! You are the creator of your shiny new car!

Getting enthusiasm is a little like learning to breathe: Nobody can tell you exactly how to do it, but without it you know something is missing in your life. No one but you can discover that compelling purpose or exciting adventure that ignites enthusiasm inside you. You can however learn a great deal from others about how to use it to it’s maximum advantage.

Age, experience and traumatic events can sometimes take the edge off your enthusiasm, your thrill of life. So, how can you get it back? Think back to a time in your past when you were very enthusiastic about something, try to remember how it made you feel, how excited you were at the mere thought of it. Try to regain the passion and desire you felt back then. Remind yourself why it was thrilling to you. Remember though everyone changes, and so does your enthusiasm for different things. So what “tooted your horn” yesterday may be something you pass by today!

According to the dictionary, enthusiasm means 1. great excitement for or interest in a subject or cause. 2. a source or cause of great excitement or interest. 3. ecstasy arising from supposed possession by a god. The word actually comes from the Greek ‘entheos’ meaning “the God within.”

Let’s see how you can get a bit of the action, by using the immense power of Enthusiasm.

* Enthusiasm grows when you focus on solutions and opportunities, not problems and circumstances.

* Always spend your time with positive, enthusiastic people!

Enthusiasm produces success. So mix with and learn from those people you regard as dynamic, electric, and have achieved a bountiful life.

SIDE NOTE: Don’t waste your time and energies on naysayers who are always putting you down. And, you don’t have to let yourself bleed for the sake of people who drain you (without giving anything in return).

* Forget about yesterday.

Be enthusiastic about the now, for that is all that really matters.

* Find your balance.

Eat good food, maintain positive energy vibrations, listen to music you enjoy, spend time in nature. Take care of yourself!

* Make love happen .

Be the love that you are looking for. Love, and you will be loved!

* One of the best ways to receive more of what you want, is to be sincerely grateful for what you have already.

So for today, no matter what the rational mind says look on the bright side of life. Look and listen for the places, events, ideas, people and activities that make your heart shout that loud “Yes”! And, spend some time deciding how to bring more of those things into your life. YOU DESERVE IT!

First, decide what type of life coach you want to become. The word “life” covers a lot of territory so life coaches tend to specialize in specific areas. These areas include career and finance, goal setting, relationships, weight loss/fitness and drugs and alcohol, just to name a few.

What is your passion and how do you want to inspire others to create success in their lives?
When thinking about what type of life coach you want to be, examine your career, education and life experience to find your current strengths.

Once you have an idea of what area you want to focus on, consider what a life coach does. This is tricky because there is no one definition or universal standard so several interpretations exist. You need to develop a format in which you will teach successful actions to your clients.

A qualified life coach can break down goals into manageable, easier to confront steps while showing the client effective techniques for completing them. Just knowing what and how is not enough because clients often get in their own way. The life coach will evaluate their progress and motivate them to implement a plan with consistent action to actually achieve desired results. Before you begin on this path, know that there is a difference between understanding what to do and being able to get someone to do it.

There are three essential elements involved in becoming a life coach and they are training, skills and education. When it comes to training, there are many life coaching academies that offer courses and some even offer accreditation. Many of these courses have actual and practical value. Please note that there is no federal or state agency that has an accreditation for life coaching and schools offering degrees are self-accredited.

If you are considering taking any of these courses first look into the costs involved. Often an inexpensive introductory course is offered only to get you started. Since costs can add up quickly, check into the length of time, the number of additional courses required and make sure to get referrals from other students. Another important point to check for first is whether or not the school provides adequate tools for practical application when working with clients. This will be very helpful for beginners in developing step-by-step methods for life coaching.

There are a few key skills that are absolutely essential. For starters, you need to be a good listener, a creative problem solver and have considerable knowledge of human behavior. You need to be able to set goals and develop plans of action to actualize them. Life coaching requires that you are organized and can keep meticulous attention to detail to monitor weekly results.

Patience and the ability to deal with frustration are critical. Clients don’t always do what they agree to do and getting people to suddenly give up destructive behavior patterns can be a real challenge. You need to know how to motivate and be creative in overcoming obstacles and objections. You have to really like and care about people. You must also be able to accept failure as not all clients will change. There are a few more skills involved but these are fundamental.

A life coach should love education in order to stay informed of current advances and trends. The areas that require consistent study are psychology, goal setting, motivation, cognitive psychology, cognitive science, human behavior, habits of successful people, sleep patterns, relationships, business principles, principles of success, career development, drugs, alcohol, leadership, sales and more. A life coach is a relentless student of these subjects.

Life coaching is a proactive approach to resolving obstacles in an individual’s life and it requires a clear picture of not only why and how, but also of step-by-step implementation and the ability to resolve blocks and setbacks as they come up. You’ll need to combine these factors into a working platform to assist your clients in reaching their goals.

Finally, when you are ready to start life coaching, how are you going to get clients? The idea of working for yourself and helping people may sound great, and it is but it comes with its difficulties. You are not going to simply get business cards made then start filling your appointment book. Schools offering great careers as life-coaches will only be able to give you limited assistance in getting clients. After you spend your time and money either with a life coaching school or developing your own style of life coaching it will be up to you to get clients. You are one hundred percent responsible for your income and success.

You should enjoy networking and self-promoting. You can build a clientele through friends, networking groups, placing ads, professional relationships, and whatever other creative ways you can think of. As you get clients and earn a reputation, your business will grow through referrals. All this takes time, so be prepared.

As you are developing your business, you will have to overcome the obstacle of people questioning what a life coach does. Be prepared by asking yourself why someone would pay you to advise him or her and have a good answer. The answer you develop to that question will be the foundation for your success.

After considering all of these factors, if you decide to become a life coach you will be entering a dynamic field. Being able to actually help people create the life changes they want is a highly rewarding and exciting career. You’ll be helping others gain success while creating your own!

It is the ability to make a choice. The problem is that we often forget that there is a choice in absolutely everything. Even if external circumstances prevent us from doing what we prefer, we have a choice in how we are going to approach the situation. We have control over our attitude, thoughts and feelings.

Being “Stuck”

I often hear people talk about being “stuck” at their jobs. When asked why they don’t move to another job that would be more fulfilling, their reply: “I can’t because I need the health insurance” OR “I can’t because I’ve built up my retirement” and it goes on.

Do you notice anything interesting about those responses? They all revolve around the word “can’t”. The word can’t is disempowering… it’s pretty reasonable to assume if your thought processes around your job involve the word can’t, that you would feel “stuck”, because according to you, you can’t do anything about it.

What else did you notice about those responses? The one thing that I find interesting about them is that if you really dig deeper, you often find that these individuals place high value on their health insurance benefits or retirement packages and although they are unhappy and dissatisfied, the value of these benefits outweigh their dissatisfaction. So, essentially they have made a choice… the benefit to cost ratio tips in favor of the reason they stay.

Empowerment Via Choice

Here is how we are empowered through choice: We are empowered when we are aware that we are choosing something.

Instead of being “stuck” – ask yourself:
-What reasons do I give for staying in the current situation?
-What do I lose?
-What is more important to me right now?”

Once you answer those questions you will have made your choice AND as you are going through the questions and answers you will become aware of the fact that you are making a choice.

The next step would be to ask yourself: “How do I choose to feel about this decision?” This is where attitude comes in….

You Have The Power To Choose!

* Angie would surf the channels whenever she felt stressed or alone.

* Karen would lose herself in a book when things felt overwhelming.

* Keith would retreat and meditate when his wife wanted to talk.

* Patty’s work schedule left her little time at home.

* Carl spent more time in the garage fixing things than with his family.

* Patrick’s love of running was interfering with his family time.

Whether or not an activity is an addiction depends upon your INTENT.

* When the intent of an activity is to avoid the pain of aloneness and loneliness, it is an addiction.

* When the intent of an activity is to avoid the pain of rejection or the fear of domination, it is an addiction.

* When the intent of an activity is to put off doing something you don’t really want to do but need to do, it is an addiction.

Whenever an activity is used as a way to avoid something – painful feelings, difficult or boring tasks – it becomes an addiction. It’s really no different than using substances such alcohol, drugs, or food to avoid painful feelings or challenging tasks. The problem with using addictions to avoid painful feelings is that the feelings don’t actually go away. They are just numbed for the moment but are silently eroding one’s sense of self. We can get away with it only for so long before it shows up in some way – illness, divorce, depression, and so on. And avoiding tasks means that the tasks pile up, eventually causing the very stress we want to avoid. Our society is filled with ways to avoid. Yet it is avoidance that leads to the very feelings we are striving to avoid!

When the intent of an activity is to take loving care of yourself by providing yourself with fun, creativity and expression, relaxation, personal growth, spiritual growth, physical health and well-being, then it is a loving action rather than an addiction. It all depends on your INTENT.

Next time you want to participate in your favorite activity, you might want to notice your intent. Do you want to relax and watch TV or are you avoiding some difficult feeling or task? Do you find yourself scheduling more work than you can really handle to avoid dealing with aloneness, loneliness, or conflict with a mate, or are you really loving your work and feeling fulfilled by it? Are you exercising to support your health or to avoid feelings?

Once you become aware of using an activity to avoid, here’s what you can do about it:

1. Welcome the feeling you are trying so hard to avoid. Pay attention to the feeling – fear, loneliness, aloneness, agitation, boredom, anxiety.

2. Make a decision to learn what YOU might be doing to cause this feeling rather than continuing to avoid it.

3. Explore what you might be doing to cause this feeling. How are you not taking care of yourself that is causing your painful feeling? Are you procrastinating, judging yourself, or not standing up for yourself in conflict? How are you avoiding responsibility for your own well-being? Are you allowing yourself to be a victim, waiting for someone else to make you feel better?

4. Once you understand what you are doing to cause your distress, then you need to ask “What would be the loving action for myself?” You are asking this question of your highest self, or of your spiritual guidance if you are connected with a source of guidance. If you open to learning about what is loving, ideas will pop into your mind.

5. Now you need to take the loving action on your own behalf – complete a task, stand up for yourself and speak your truth with someone, and so on.

6. Re-evaluate how you are feeling. Are you feeling more peaceful and more powerful? You will feel more peaceful if you have taken the loving action. If you are not feeling better, don’t just turn back to your addictions. Look for another loving action until you find what really makes you feel safe on a deep level, not just the temporary pacification of an addiction.

You will find your addictions fading away as you learn to take loving care of yourself.