We’ve all experienced the same thing at important crossroads in our life when big changes were underway. Often, we find ourselves feeling panic and frozen in time, possibly with indecision, waiting and wondering: Which way to go?; How will things turn out? Sometimes, you just don’t know what to do.

I’m asked frequently about this topic and oddly, I have a lot of experience with it as well. In fact, I find my life in this state of flux often as more changes loom on the horizon. Everyone, myself included, wants answers. What should I do? How do I know? These answers are never forthcoming; we cannot see into the future. Every direction can be okay; one can be the best. The simple truth is, we just don’t know with 100% accuracy. This is where awareness and faith come in to play.

Awareness is important on many levels. Knowing the landscape of your life, you can make calculated decisions that support your goals. In business, and daily life activities, we implement this process automatically without much awareness at all, it has become so habitual. This, in part, is where a problem lies. Habitual behavior may not be appropriate as new data becomes available. Auto-pilot means your flying blind. Even when flying a plane on auto-pilot, the pilot will check the instrument panels to ensure the data is consistent. Why don’t we? Be aware of your data.

Your data comes from many sources and most of us are familiar with these sources. I might surprise some of you with new concepts. The common source that we’re all familiar with is the mind and store-house of knowledge and experience we have gained from life. Again, those who rely solely upon this source risk repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The mystery of life dictates that our ability to identify with life experience as truth results in creating more of this truth in our lives. If this truth is a truth of painful experience, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Utilizing other sources, we are able to objectively assess all sources and come to new conclusions.

The next common source is our emotions and intuition; they often are synonomous. A surprising fact here is that not everyone is in touch with their emotions or permit the emotions the freedom they deserve. Emotions are very useful in interpreting and/or being aware of underlying factors that may not be evident through hard tangible data. For some this is a gut-feeling, others have a flash of insight or conclusion, and others feel twinges in certain parts of the body without being aware of any potential significance. I have scenarios for each and will refrain from elaborating further for the sake of brevity today. Be curious to explore it further though.

A less common source for most is our spiritual awareness. This is a quiet place within that has a higher level of wisdom for the greater good. This can be pertinent to you, your life, your family life, community, work, the world, and so on. The levels of knowledge accessible here are limitless. It is as though we are connected to a universal storehouse of knowledge. This place of knowing is far less judgemental and emotional but has the ability to synthesize the data from the mind and emotions, integrating and offering solutions from a much higher level of consciousness. This is something that many people find themselves seeking as they mature and look for more significance in their lives and meaning in their work.

Finally, we must talk about the role of faith. This is part of what I teach and coach in my profession. It is the co-creative relationship and process that we have as human-beings with the source of all creation. This isn’t religious, it isn’t specific to any religion, yet it doesn’t contradict any religion. This is born from my own quest for truth integrated with my own life and spiritual experiences. It may be incomplete and is a direction to follow, not a destination for you to reach. Such is the nature of our spiritual life; it is the journey and the ever-changing, ever-increasing level of knowledge and wisdom that we gain through life experience. With an open-mind, entertain our relationship with the source of all creation.

Creation exists, as do we. We see it all around us. Scientists study deeper into the stars. More scientists study deeper into the mysterys of time and space; quantum physics. What is witnessed is creation, its’ magic and its’ mystery. Down at the quantum level we discover that we’re mostly made up of empty space and other unusual phenomena that cannot be explained. Out in the stars, they see an expanding universe. Now, going deeper, with probing satellites and quantum sciences, new theories arise. All seem to point to an apex of creation coming from nothing… a God Force.

Mystery is lived by people accessing this God-Force, understanding their co-creative relationship to this mystery. Understanding that this force is abundant love, it supplies us with what is in our intention. What we intend for our lives becomes real. Many people who do this consistently refer to it as manifesting. As children, many of us have had at least one solid experience of this. We may have just known that we would have something in our lives, whether a gift, an experience, a trip, whatever, and then it happens. There was no fear, doubt, uncertainty, only gladness for what was to come. That is the power of intent.

As adults, so much of our lives have instructed us to ignore so much. Don’t dream to big. You can’t do this. Don’t do that. That’s only for the privileged. You need to have a degree. There is too much competition. This is the way things work. Everywhere you turn, you are told how it is and what cannot be and you become conditioned. We have spent too little time in practice with our spiritual origins that we do not understand this mystery and in our need for control, we stifle its’ requirement for room to breathe and work its’ own magic. We measure things by worldly standards and time clocks, not realizing that in the bigger picture, some of those so-called failures actually were important stepping-stones in a grander scheme for our lives. Is our spiritual side still influencing the outcome? Are we making the experience harder, longer, or are we co-operating and making it easier?

Okay, this is long enough for one read. If you want to know more and begin your own journey, feel free to contact me. There are more relevant articles on the website and as a coach, I spend time integrating spiritual awareness into the coaching sessions in unobtrusive ways. It has shown itself to be the single most important success factor regardless of the initial direction goals were set. In some cases, spiritual awareness harnessed the focus to realize a more significant goal for the individual instead of a goal that came about due to conditioning.

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” — George Bernard Shaw, Maxims for Revolutionists

It is probably the number two task of leadership — asking. You ask people to do things, and when they do — well, stuff happens.

But what really extends your ability to make big things happen is asking for things that are “unreasonable.”

What is unreasonable? Asking people for things you have no right to expect from them, which under ordinary circumstances, you would expect them to say, “no.” But asking anyway.

The trick is to expect them to say yes, and not worry about whether they do or they don’t.

Create a game in your business. The game is for everyone to continually be unreasonable in what they ask of each other. And not just internally — externally as well. Include all your stakeholders in this game. (You choose whether or not to tell them about it the game.) Do you think this game could rocket your project forward?

If making requests is not a normal activity for most people in businesses, unreasonable requests are doubly abnormal. Most of us don’t want to risk rejection — so we ask for small things, easy things, wimpy things, and make it easy for people to say yes.

Keeping your requests small is a good strategy if you are no-o-phobic, but it limits your results.

The action in your business is moved forward in direct proportion to the size of your requests, so to move things along quickly, you have to ask big.

Think of what changes would make your requests unreasonable. Whatever you were going to ask for, ask for more. Whenever you wanted it, ask for it sooner. Whatever you were willing to pay or trade, ask for it for less, or free. You get the idea.

Make your requests larger. Bigger. Faster. Cheaper. Outrageouser.

Make them unreasonable.

This article is about learning to think positive. There are far too many people walking about in a state of gloom and depression. I have to admit that I was one of these people until I managed to turn my whole life around at the age of twenty-two by taking a different approach. I hope you find the article beneficial and enjoyable to read.

From around the age of eleven when I started high school to the age of twenty-two I was not exactly a happy person. One person actually mentioned that I walked around like I had the weight of the world and its problems on my shoulders.

I was always looking at other people in my class for example and thought that they were so much luckier than I was. They did not seem to have half of the problems that I did. I was jealous of them as they were seemingly cruising through life where as it was one huge struggle for me.

You may be wondering what my troubles were. I had a stutter which had affected me from the age of four. Stuttering put a huge dent in my confidence and made me withdraw into my shell.
I had a weight problem which was mainly caused by comfort eating when I was depressed. Since birth, I have had a bald patch on my head, it is not a large area of baldness, however it was big enough for people to notice and mock me. I was always the shortest person in the class and for a male I am well below the average height at five-foot four.

At the age of eighteen, I was having a conversation with one of friends who is called John. John was one of the people I had always been jealous of for many different reasons. On this particular evening we were both fairly drunk and John had became quite emotional. During our conversation he told me that his father was an alcoholic and that at certain times when he arrived home worse for wear that he would hit his mom. He was very worried about this and was not sure what to do.

Over the next few years, I found out aspects of other people’s lives in my circle of friends, which I had not been aware of. The issues I had were very visible, where as their problems had been hidden and kept secret.

I have become more and more interested in world affairs since the age of about twenty. Certain events from around the world have really shocked and I find it hard to imagine how I would cope living it various countries. I am now very grateful that I was born in the UK.

I have learnt that we all have problems and that in most cases there is always people worse off than ourselves. I now try to think in a much more positive way and am very happy with the cards I have been dealt.

This is truer than people might realize. Dig deep, there is a significant powerful truth buried in this statement that can redefine life and create more positive and powerful experiences. As we navigate life, become educated in society, and learn from experiences we inevitably think we know.

We know what people are like, we know what this means and that means, we know what to expect, and we know what will be good and what will be bad. All of these perceptions are defining a reality before it even has a chance to show you something different.

To know is to not know is a statement that drops judgement and allows the experience to demonstrate something new. It also creates an openess for you to discover more; this could be more about you, more about life, more about people, or more about situations. You have still your past experiences there to offer insight and you allow the present experience to reveal more or create something new.

We often say we are not defined by our past. This is the way our life is meant to be and yet, we often are limiting our future based upon past experiences. If this is true in our lives, then we are being defined by our past. All that is needed is a shift in perspective. When the body, emotions, or mind reacts to a situation, person, or whatever, then you want to seize the moment and be curious enough to ask why you are reacting the way you are.

When you are reacting to a situation, it is fear based. This could be a belief, a family emotional trigger, a self-esteem issue, or many other root causes. Being curious and identifying this allows a couple of things to happen. Recognizing the reaction allows you to step back and inquire deeper. This will enable you to discover issues that you can then begin correcting or accepting. Second, stepping back from the reaction for reflection will allow you to respond rather than react. When you are responding to a situation, it is based in peace.

There is so much more that can be explored from this place. Personal power, personal responsibility, accepting responsibilitiy, victimization, emotions, emotional hijacking and sabotage; there are so many depths, twists, and turns along this road of spiritual awareness. Owning and understanding that aspect of your nature allows room for so much of life’s experiences to occur and provide learning. Change is also easier to embrace and navigate.

To know is to not know. I’d just invite you to entertain this possibility and play with it in new situations. Whenever you find a judgement popping up, step back from it and say, “I see you, now let’s just wait and see.” Sometimes, the judgement may be right. Won’t it be wonderful and surprising to experience new truths when the judgement is wrong?

Has anyone heard of Emmeline Pankhurst?

Emmeline was born in Manchester, UK in 1858. She was the daughter of very forward thinking parents for their time, Robert and Sophia Goulden.

You can read more about Emmeline, often referred to as Emily, by visiting this link,

http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/WpankhurstE.htm

Briefly, Emmeline was highly instrumental in forming the UK’s Suffragette Movement and in doing so she eventually brought about the right for women to vote.

Now OK, both our male and female readers could be forgiven for thinking, ‘hey hang on a minute, this is an attempt to promote feminist views’.

However I can assure you it is not because I am not out to promote any kind of political agenda so please bear with me, especially our male readers. You’re not about to come under fire here.

The point I am trying to highlight is the sheer belief that Emmeline held deep within herself.

This was that she could make change happen in a society that had always shaped and dominated the view that women had a far lesser role to play than their male counterparts and that their worth as a human being was also far less.

This was evident by the fact that at that time, women could not enter many professions in particular the medical and law profession. Even by today’s standards, in the UK especially, female barristers still have a hard time reaching the Bar Council and as far as I am aware, in all of British history right up to the current date, there is not a single female judge sitting in the House of Lords, Britains highest law court.

Can you also believe that it was only in 1991, that the House of Lords finally overturned a legal ruling that had stood for centuries? This was that it was accepted in law that it was legal for a man to rape his wife in marriage.

Only in 1991 was this barbaric law finally thrown out and replaced with new legislation that it is indeed now illegal for a husband to assault his wife.

Imagine then, back in the early 1900’s when the Edwardian society were still feeling embarrassed by their gaudy Victorian parents, the incredible struggle that Emmeline must have endured despite being arrested and thrown in prison many times over because she believed women should have more rights, especially the simple, most precious right of all, the right to vote.

So here is the question that springs to mind.

What kept Emmeline going? What kept this amazing woman strong in the face of such adversity during a time where society had been trained to view women in an extremely poor light? Where did her incredible strength and durability come from?

The simple answer was the belief in her own power.

The Power of One.

Now, the whole point of writing about this most incredible British woman is to demonstrate to both men and women, that no matter what you face, how much you feel trapped, how much you want change or how much you are facing the disapproval of others, you too have that same power within you. If Emmeline could create such change back then at that point in history, you can do the same today.

Emmeline was fortunate because she had parents who were radical and fully in control of what they believed. They owned their own personal right to make the choices and decisions that they felt were right for them and they passed their passionate beliefs and attitudes onto their daughter who as a result turned society up on it’s head.

Although she was such a free thinking spirit considering the time in which she lived,a period which had just emerged from a stiff, highly reserved Victorian era, ironically Emmeline cast aside her inspired thinking, which had so victoriously set her apart from the restrictions of the then society, when she refused to speak to her daughter Sylvia for the crime of having an illegitimate child.

Refusing to have anything to do with Sylvia or her grandson, Emmeline died in 1928.

How odd that she had set so many women free, orchestrated a complete change of attitude towards women in society, achieved far improved standards of working and living conditions for women, and brought about their equal right to vote. Yet, she was bound up in a belief that it was wrong to have a child out of wedlock to such an extent that she disowned her own daughter and grandchild.

How sad that this gallant, free spirited woman passed from this life on earth without forgiving her own flesh and blood. Even more sad was that she could not see that Sylvia was now a product of a much freer society that Emmeline herself had created.

This was clearly a limiting belief that Emmeline held as a boundary to what she found unacceptable and in some ways, it backfired as limiting beliefs so often do mostly because they lead to bad judgements and intolerance.

These two points are inextricably linked. Power and acceptance, power and acceptance, power and acceptance.If we say them over and over, they begin to chime harmoniously together.

Emmeline Pankhurst was an incredible woman living in a brief space of time where she made the impossible happen because of her own power (what she chose to believe was right for her) and what she chose to accept (what she believed was either unacceptable or acceptable to her on a personal level.) When she chose to adopt the limiting belief that her daughter was wrong to have a child out of wedlock, her choice cost both her and her daughter great pain so having set so many women free, Emmeline actually trapped herself by believing it was right to ignore her daughter and grandchild.

We can as individuals draw on many helpful lessons from learning about inspiring people like Emmeline Pankhurst.

For example, we can ask ourselves:

Do I feel powerful enough to change my life?

What is acceptable to me?

What do I feel unable to accept that I am currently accepting?

What limiting beliefs am I holding onto?

One further point about Emmeline that positively shines out a mile, is that she knew who she was and what she was here to do.

How many of us know the same about ourselves today?

I know from the many clients I see that when I ask them to tell me who they actually are, they look at me with a blank expression and they struggle to answer the question.

This tells me that they’ve become so bogged down in the details of life, that they know their friends better than themselves and that over time, they have become a complete stranger to who they really are.

I chose to write about Emily Pankhurst for this particular article because when I was 12 and studying history at school, I’d been dozing through the lesson when my history teacher threw a book in my direction and yelled at me in front of the whole class,

‘Listen you stupid girl! Because of Emmeline Pankhurst, you are a free woman today! You could at the very least be grateful’!

I wasn’t stupid and I wasn’t deliberately ignoring the lesson, I was tired from being up at 4.30am to help at home. But my incredibly irate history teacher, rightly or wrongly in the way she approached it, got my attention and I have admired and been inspired ever since by women like Emmeline Pankhurst. I found a lot of my own strength and power in viewing her as my own role model for standing up for my beliefs and achievements today.

Whether you’re male or female, if you want to bring positive change to your current life or circumstances, the first line of action you need to take is to begin questioning and often change your perception of the way in which you see your own world. This means taking a shrewd and honest view of what you currently believe about yourself, the environment you live in and the role others play in shaping your life.

It’s all about the questions you ask inwardly and the dialogue you have with yourself then taking a leap of faith in making choices and decisions that are right for you.

Having worked with individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, helping them learn to resolve conflict, I have often been faced with the difficulties that occur when people are confused about the difference between approval with appreciation. Have you ever wondered about the difference between approval and appreciation? Most of us have never actually thought about it, yet if we do think about it, we realize that we feel very differently when we receive approval as opposed to receiving appreciation. There are good reasons for this.

Approval is something we give from a wounded, controlling part of us. Approval is conditional upon the other person performing in the way we want or expect. Approval is manipulative – that is, we give it with an outcome in mind. We hope that the other person will continue to do what we want as a result of the approval.

Appreciation, on the other hand, is something we offer from a whole loving place within – what I call the loving Adult. It comes from the heart and is offered spontaneously as the heart wells up with feelings of delight, awe, joy, or love regarding another’s way of being. Appreciation has much more to do with the essence of a person rather than with performance. We are appreciating a person’s core Self, who they really are and the results of who they are, rather than what they do and their performance. With appreciation, there is no attachment to the outcome, no expectation that the other should or will continue to perform. Appreciation is a true gift.

Often, when someone says they want appreciation or do not feel appreciated, what they are really seeking is approval. It is the wounded part of them who is not feeling seen and appreciated within – they are not seeing and appreciating themselves so they need it from others to feel worthy. The wounded self of the individual projects outward the inner need to be seen, understood and appreciated and pulls from others to get this need met. Whenever I hear someone say that they do not feel appreciated, I know that their essence – their Inner Child – is not being seen and loved by their own inner adult.

When we are giving ourselves the attention and appreciation that we need and we then receive appreciation from others, it feels wonderful but it is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. When it becomes the cake itself, then we need to look within and recognize that we have handed over to others the job of defining and validating our own worth and lovability.

When you share something about yourself with the intent of getting approval, attention or appreciation, it doesn’t feel like sharing to other people. Instead they feel pulled at to validate you. When you share something about yourself with the intent of offering something to others, it feels like a gift. This is clearly illustrated in the wonderful movie, Good Will Hunting. In this movie the therapist, played by Robin Williams, shares much personal information about himself with his client Will, an angry and resistant young man. He shared it, not because he wanted or needed anything back, but purely to help Will feel safe in opening to his own pain.

We can all challenge ourselves to be aware of our intent when we offer positive feedback to others – is it a true gift or does it have strings attached? And we can challenge ourselves to be aware of our intent when we share things about ourselves – are we giving or trying to get? Giving to get doesn’t feel good to others who are at the other end of the pull, and getting what we want from others feels good only for the moment, but is ultimately tiring for us. It is tiring to always be trying to get from others what we need to be giving to ourselves.

Giving appreciation and sharing ourselves from a loving heart, with no need to get anything back, will always feel wonderful and energizing to us and to others.

Contrary to a widely held belief that people do not change, I submit to you that people do change and often in dramatic, life-altering ways. I say this with full confidence as I have witnessed it happen time and time again. Creating positive change in your life is totally possible. You can change yourself and thereby your life.

When you are fully committed to making changes in your life, it will happen. That commitment, based on a deep desire for growth, is half the journey. Once you have made that choice, one made with total awareness and a honesty of your present reality, you are free to move forward towards a better or even new you.

The one constant in this universe is change. Everything that exists is in a state of change. Ask any quantum physicist. As part of the universe, we are part of that cycle of change. The experiences you have today will impact you in such a way that you will awaken tomorrow changed in some way. Once you have hit your forties or fifties, the kid you were in your twenties is pretty much gone and a wiser you is standing.

Change is desired on a number of levels. In business we might be looking to be a more effective leader or manager in order to increase productivity. That might entail changing how we deal with people by improving our motivation and communication skills. Change might mean a new career, lifestyle or relationship. It might mean building more confidence and self-esteem or learning how to be less aggressive.

Change involves inner work before the outer work can begin. That is always the case. As Albert Einstein said, ” The significant problems we face cannot be solved on the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” Steven Covey, in his critically acclaimed book, ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’, stresses the concept of inner work before outer work or change:

“The inside-out approach to change means to start first with self; even more fundamental, to start with the most inside part of self – with your paradigms, your character and your motives.”

So, if change is to happen and if it is to last, we need to acknowledge that we must take a look at who we are now and who we want to be in the future. We will have to be honest with ourselves and recognize reality as it exists and not as we think it should or could be. We need to develop a high level of awareness and clarity about everything that we do as all too often, our subconscious tends to run the show and not us. Most importantly, we need to take full responsibility for our lives and not place the blame elsewhere. That also involves giving up the need to control things…except of course, yourself. Until you are willing to do this kind of work, change will not occur, at least not enduring change.

Where are you feeling dissatisfied? Where are you noticing dissonance in your life? Where are you feeling stuck? Identify the issues. Now, recognize exactly where you are and then consider where you would like to be in the future if everything were running smoothly? If for instance, your sales team is not performing up to budget and you are having a difficult time motivating them towards success, consider what a sales team that is highly motivated and successful would look like. Consider what your role would be in achieving that goal? Who would you be? How would you function? How would you feel? The gap between where you are now and where you want to be is where the work will be done.

In Life Coaching we find that your ability to succeed at your job is highly dependent on whether your values and passions are in alignment with your job and it’s requirements. After some serious inquiry, you might discover the things that are called for in motivating your sales team. Say it will consist of more patience, more enthusiasm, more nurturing and more of a team atmosphere. Are these the kind of things that hold value for you? If not, you will be unable to be effective.

Do the important inner work of discovering who you are now, what matters to you, what you are passionate about and what you place value on. Are these things showing up for you in your everyday life? If not, there is sure to be dissonance.

If being successful in your work is of great value to you then what are you willing to do and not to do in order to be a success? Are you willing to make the necessary changes in how you are being? Are you willing to try something different? Are the things you need to do aligned with your values and passions? What are you willing to say yes to and even more important, what are you willing to say no to?

Awareness, as mentioned is of utmost concern when effecting change. When we are living our lives in a state of true awareness wherein we are truly conscious of our actions, we can free ourselves from reactive, self-defeating behavior and realize our personal best. Unfortunately, although we may think that we make conscious decisions, in reality our unconscious mind often impacts our behavior and when it does our actions are not truly under our control. We can learn to recognize the unconscious, that part of our mind that has great power over much of our actions without us even being aware of its existence. In doing so, we can diminish its power over us.

As an example, try simply noticing that voice inside your head that gets very chatty whenever you are about to make a decision, especially an important one that could result in change. Is it telling you that you’re nuts to consider what you are thinking of doing? Does it say that you failed once before and will probably do so again? We fail to understand that the voice is out to sabotage us. Just by noticing it you will realize that this inner saboteur is at work. In the act of noticing you begin to empower yourself to make truly conscious decisions that will result in positive and lasting changes in your life.

I have mentioned how changing reactive, self-defeating behavior is key to realizing our personal best. What is reactive behavior versus proactive behavior? When you are reacting to life and it’s circumstances you are on the defensive. You are not in control. Life’s circumstances are dictating your behavior and actions versus your being proactive and in control of your actions. There is a good chance that you are being activated unconsciously as well. Example: Your boss gives you what you consider to be a harsh criticism of your latest report. Your adrenaline rushes and a wave of angry indignation rolls over you. In that emotional state, you are unable to actually hear what he or she has to say because you are already defending yourself. Your response to him is defensive and somewhat irrational.

You cannot control what he/she had to say but you can control how you handle yourself. Therein lies the key to non-reactive behavior: your ability to handle situations in ways that prove productive versus destructive. Stop and think. Pause. Get your heart rate back to the normal range. Without taking anything personally, was there anything in what he had to say that had merit? Is there some sort of deep learning to be had, either from him or you? Could the perceived harshness perhaps have been amplified by your defensiveness?

” Being proactive means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.”

‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’, Stephen Covey

Life will always be throwing things our way, much of it unpleasant and challenging. That’s life. We cannot control life but we can control how we handle it. If we are really aware and in tune with what is happening, we can learn not to add meaning to reality where there is no additional meaning needed. For example, in the above incident, you may have reacted because you assumed your boss thought you were in the wrong and therefore not up to snuff. But that was just what you thought he meant. What you think he meant and what he said are often two very different entities. Perhaps all he meant was that your work could have been better and he wanted to steer you in the right direction.

Often, adding meaning where there is none harkens back to childhood. Your Father
was always highly critical and you came to believe that this meant that you were a loser
and wouldn’t amount to anything. That is the type of meaning a child creates in response
to an unpleasant situation. What really happened is that you had a highly critical father. Period. The most unfortunate part is that this type of reaction to criticism will often be carried into adult hood and anytime criticism is leveled at you, you respond with your childhood reaction: I am a loser. The ability to control reactive behavior and see things for just what they are can make a world of difference in your life.
Finally, a word about perspective or attitude. How we view the world or any given situation will dictate our effectiveness and our state of mind. Change your attitude and you not only change the way you see things, you will change your reality. If you approach your work/life as being tough, that perspective will trickle down into everything you do. Try a new perspective on, one that will work in accordance with your goals and desires.
“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
William James/US Pragmatist philosopher & psychologist

Inner work means that we are laying the foundation for a mindset that allows us to make lasting changes that will create a more meaningful, productive and happy life. Once the inner work is done, the outer changes will compound like bank interest. Your authenticity will shine and people will be drawn to this new you. You will view everything that happens as an opportunity for growth and grow and change you will. The work you do and its subsequent benefits will spread into all areas of your life, not just the ones that you may have originally pinpointed. The vision you held of the will become your reality now.

In this article, I write about the various types of stuttering therapies that are available. My background, I started stuttering at the age of four, it continued until I was twenty-two, basically ruining the eighteen years in between. I then fought very hard and eventually overcame the stutter.

According to latest figures, around one percent of people in the UK have a stutter. Most of these people will have seeked help at some stage of their life, and will have looked into stuttering treatments and the different forms of stuttering therapy. This is what they may have found:

Traditional speech therapy

Speech therapy is where the majority of people who stutter will start when trying to improve their speech. I myself, attended speech therapy from the age of five, I continued attending until the age of eighteen. Thirteen years and I still had the stutter, that was successful!

The advice I had been given at speech therapy was basically:

speak slowly

take a deep breath before you speak

accept your stutter

I am sorry but that advice is just not good enough.

Group stuttering speech courses

There are now a number of private speech courses that are run on a group basis. In my opinion these are of more value than traditional speech therapy as at least the aim of the course is to eradicate the stutter. Speech therapy is more of controlling and accepting the stutter.

One to one speech courses

There are also one to one speech courses available. I personally believe that this is the best form of stuttering therapy as each person will have their own individual stutter and needs.

Stuttering self help dvd and ebook

For people who would prefer a self help form of stuttering therapy, there are now stuttering dvds and ebooks available.

Do you find yourself becoming angry at the least little thing? Maybe your toddler interrupts your newspaper reading by climbing on your lap, and you become irritated. Perhaps your wife asks you to take her shopping, and you get angry because you were planning to go golfing. Learning some basic anger management techniques can restore a sense of self-control to your inner or external responses to situations like these. Even if you hold in your anger, it may not hurt others, unless they sense your withdrawal or unspoken irritation, but it will hurt you. Studies show that people who let anger build up inside tend to suffer more health problems than those who have less anger or manage it in productive ways. Many anger management techniques are easy to learn and practice, so give them a try before losing your temper unnecessarily again.

Anger Management Technique #1: Drain the Brain

When your temper begins to flare, one of the best anger management techniques is to mentally challenge yourself before taking out your anger on others. Ask yourself questions about the source of your irritation, the degree of your anger, and the other person’s actual role in the situation. Turn circumstances around to see how you would want to be treated if the other person felt as you do. These mental gymnastics can help you regain control over runaway emotions before they escape and cause external damage.

You also can try traditional anger management techniques to soothe your flare-ups. For example, count to twenty, not ten, before saying anything. Leave the room for several minutes, or hours, if necessary, before discussing sensitive issues that may provoke your anger. Write out a response to a problem before tackling it orally or in debate. This will give you time to think about the best approach to a problem rather than responding with random anger.

Anger Management Technique #2: Walk it Off

In those moments when you feel the familiar rage start to rumble, excuse yourself if others are present and take a quick walk down the hall or outdoors, depending on whether you are at home or at work, and the weather conditions. Even a five- or ten-minute stroll, especially one that is fast-paced, will help to cool your irritation as you practice the fight-or-flight strategy by escaping the potential conflict, which is one of the more popular and useful anger management techniques.

Other valuable anger management techniques include keeping a diary and writing about negative emotions to get them out of your system. You also may want to keep a pet, since studies show that petting a dog or cat, for example, helps to reduce blood pressure levels and harmful substances in your system that can damage blood vessels if left unchecked. Talking over situations with a trusted friend and venting to a therapist are two more anger management techniques used by thousands.

Don’t let anger get the best of you. Experiment with these and other anger management techniques, or visit useful websites like anger-management-information.com (site is not complete yet) for more information on how to tame the beast of anger in your breast.

Think you can’t change? Many of us already know that we need to improve our state of well-being in order to extend our lives as we age. Making changes are traditionally difficult, but the good news is that it’s never too late to make changes for the better. The first step is to understand what’s important to you, and then determine the choices and decisions that represent where you want to be. Maybe you want to start a new career, lose weight, stop smoking or start exercising. Whatever the change is, be sure you understand why you want to make the change.

Take a moment to think about a time in your life when you made a successful change or developed a new habit. What was your motivation for the change? What was your attitude at the time? What obstacles or barriers did you have to overcome? Your level of readiness to change will determine how successful you are, and how much time it will take. Once you make the decision to change, you must practice that new behavior one day at a time until it becomes a habit – a lasting change.

What allows some people to change, while others don’t? According to Dr. James Prochaska, developer of the “Stages of Change Model,” people cycle through a very distinct set of stages when making changes in their lives – from not being interested in making any changes, all the way through to maintaining a change after it’s already been made. This is the real challenge for everyone, because resistance is always the initial response to making a change. Sometimes people don’t see the positive side of change until it’s shown to them (or until they are forced to realize it on their own). Change is a choice. It’s something we decide to do. The same goes for wellness – it’s a choice, and once you have decided to change, you’ll feel better.

Embracing the concept of change is a big thing, because interestingly, many people think they don’t have a choice when it comes to change. Why? For some it’s fear, guilt, love, pain, time management or even a court order. What motivates one person may not be the same thing that gets another person to act. Everyone reacts differently to changes weather voluntary or mandatory.

To start making a change, let go of certain assumptions or ways of doing things, to make room for new ideas. Work on this one day at a time until you feel comfortable. This often comes into play when I work with sedentary people to increase their activity level (people who work a lot and don’t have a lot of time to exercise). One of my clients’ complaints was, “I don’t want to take an hour or 30 minutes to walk.” My solution was to suggest several two-minute intervals that would equal 30 minutes throughout the day just stand up, walk around and visit people throughout the office, for example. The result was successful. He exercised and actually became more sociable as a result! Once he became comfortable with walking, I got him up to 10-minute intervals three times a day. Now he’s walking 30 minutes at one time and enjoying it. This all took place over the course of a few months.

To make a lasting change, you start wherever you are and stretch a tiny bit more each time. If you fall off the wagon, or experience resistance, identify the cause or circumstances who you were with, where you were, or your emotional state. The key is to get up and get back on the path again. You may go back and forward a few times because making a lasting change is hard. Your level of readiness to change will determine how successful you are, and how much time it will take. But you need to be ready, able and willing to make change happen.