Monthly Archives: December 2008

Spirituality Information – Bad Things Will Always Happen To Good People.

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God loves ordinary beings. That is His strength. He does special things for good people. He will help you meet with an accident, he will take away everything from you, he will ensure that you get into deep trouble…. If you think i am insane here you probably are right but God is not… He knows how to play His Game and take care of his beloved ones here on earth…. Bad things will Always Happen to Good people. Here is reason why…..

Good people carry out their day to day duties deligently. They are honest in their dealings and they do not have a crooked mind. They believe in God more than they believe in themselves. God loves all of them . He wants to help them. God conveys his love to these people in various forms through persons,ideas, and events. God knocks at the door of good people everyday but these simpletons do not understand. They fear to open the door. God wants to come in but they are afraid to open the door….. So what does God do…?

Here is what He does. He pushes the door open. He wants to come in … He is more desperate to help you . He does special things for you because he knows good people learn quickly only when bad events happen to them …. Bad events are the need of the hour for good people… There is nothing so bad that can happen to you once you realise that the force which makes all this happens comes from a source which is so genuine that its only intention is to take you to the next level.

Bad things will Always Happen to Good people. Why do you fear when you know that a higher force is entering into your body? Allow those bad things to happen to you just as you allow good things to enter into your life. Good and bad things are both God sent. Don’t doubt the master. He is working for you and he has far greater and bigger plans for you than you thought…

What Does Blushing Have To Do With Anorexia?

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Have you ever seen a picture of someone who has had anorexia for a long time? The image usually reflects someone who is really just skin and bones, yet continues to starve him or herself. To someone who has never had anorexia, it is hard to look at such an image and comprehend how the person who is in the picture looks in the mirror and sees a fat person who still needs to lose weight.

Without understanding the psychological aspects of anorexia, it is impossible for someone who sees themselves accurately to understand how distorted the body image of an anorexic is. Because a major part of anorexia is an obsessive and overwhelming fear of being overweight, those with the disease develop a distorted body image. They truly do not see their bodies the way they really are. If you tell an anorexic person that he or she is too thin, the person will believe you are lying to them.

Someone with problem blushing behaviour is not likely to immediately see the connection between problem blushing and anorexia, but there is an important similarity between the two conditions. Problem blushing behaviour has psychological ties as well. Because people who have problem blushing tend to be overly sensitive to the opinions of other people, any time they feel that they are being judged, they start to blush even more.

If you experience problem blushing, you know the overwhelming feeling of shame that sweeps over you when you feel a blush starting to creep up your neck and over your face. But, here is a question to ask yourself. Do you know how your blush looks to someone else? Do you think you look like a sunburned crab to the other person? Or, is it possible that your blushing really isn’t as bad as you think it is?

Before you answer that question, remind yourself that an 80 pound anorexic woman honestly believes that she is fat. She looks in the mirror and sees an obese person. She thinks that when you look at her, blushing or not, that you see someone who is morbidly overweight.

How do you know how you look to other people? When my girlfriend found out that in my audio book, Blushing Free, I comment that my blushing problem reached an all-time high when I first met her, she was surprised. She never even noticed what I thought were the worst episodes of excessive blushing I experienced in my life.

Just like anorexics have an excessive fear of being overweight that distorts their body image, problem blushers have an excessive fear of blushing that distorts their perception of what blushing does to their appearance. I’m not saying that problem blushers don’t blush too frequently. As a former problem blusher myself, I know that problem blushing is real. What I am saying is that as a problem blusher, your perception of what problem does to your appearance is worse than the reality.

As a problem blusher, a great first step toward getting over your problem is to recognize that part of your problem is tied to your fear of blushing. I’m not saying that you are making it up, but I am saying that it is partially in your mind. When you realize that your blushing problem isn’t as bad as you think, and that other people are likely to not notice or not care about it, you’ll be a little bit closer to putting the problem of excessive blushing behind you once and for all.

How To Be A Lucky Guy

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Want to be a lucky guy or gal? There are things you can do to become one. In fact, there are at least a dozen luck “techniques” that you can use. I have been using them for years, and yes, they say I’m a lucky guy. Here are two of the most important things you can do.

Lucky Guy Tip – Get Ready For Luck

When we bought a house for $17,500 from the bank, and later sold it for a nice profit, people said “You’re so lucky!” Yes, we were lucky that we had the cash saved, because they weren’t offering financing at that price. We were lucky that had savings, making it easy to quit our jobs and move to this new town.

A friend who owns a used car dealership had cash flow problems. He could get a couple great cars at auction, but needed $1500. He offered a car as security if I would loan him the money for 10 days for $100 interest. Not only was I lucky enough to make an easy $100, but he was so grateful that he sold me a car for $1,600 that was worth much more.

Preparation puts the odds in your favor. If you were in the situations above, you couldn’t necessarily do what I did. But if you had arranged to borrow $17,500 from a someone, you could have split the profits on the house. If you had a credit card in the second situation, a cash advance fee and interest would have cut your profit in half, but then maybe it’s even luckier to make money with none of your own money.

In whatever area of your life you want to be a lucky guy, start preparing. There are always things you can do to allow for more luck. When you want to be lucky in love, you comb your hair, right? If you want to have good luck as a singer, start practicing, make a list of places you can audition, read up on how other singers became successful. Start getting ready for good luck.

Lucky Guy Tip – Be In The Right Place

My wife was recently lucky enough to get a good job teaching Spanish. She never was able to find jobs like this when we lived in a small northern Michigan town. When we moved here to Tucson, Arizona, things changed. Not surprisingly, there are often more opportunities in larger towns.

Naturally, you are more likely to get a “lucky break” as a movie star in Hollywood than in Toledo, Ohio. You’ll have more opportunities to sail in a city on a coast. If you want to be a great skier, should you move to Alabama or Colorado? You get the point.

It isn’t just about moving to “luckier” cities, though. Being in the right place is a matter of daily choices too. “Hanging out” where management does is more likely to lead to a promotion at work than spending time with the other employees. We spend time at real estate investing club meetings, and were just approached with an offer to partner on a great deal.

Find the “right places,” and make it a point to be there. Imagine two men looking for the woman of their dreams. One stays home and dreams while the other accepts an invitation to a party. Who’s more likely to be the lucky guy?

The Law of Attraction: The Basics, Part One

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You might have read a lot about the Law of Attraction recently (commonly referred to as LOA in shorthand), made popular by its newest informational incarnation, The Secret. But what is it, really, and is it just so much gobble-dy gook?

In fact, LOA has been around forever, as have its proponents. People through the years have simply talked about it without using the term “Law of Attraction,” but same thing. Norman Vincent Peale did in his wildly popular book, The Power of Positive Thinking, for example. But why is it so hard to figure out, and more importantly, how do you harness it?

Well, here’s the thing. To “use” it properly, you first have to understand it. So here goes, in a nutshell.

First, most proponents of LOA do believe that you absolutely attract everything to you that happens to you, good and “bad” (although if you’ve seen even discussions on The Secret, even the so-called “experts” vary in their opinions on that to some extent, which I’ll discuss later).

Now, wait. I can just see you going, “Hey! You’re nuts if you think I want to be broke (or sick, etc.)!” And yep, you’re right. I’d be nuts to think you want anything bad to be happening to you. Here’s where the confusion comes in, and here’s where I can help clear it up. If you’re attracting something to you, it doesn’t mean you want it.

Let me say that again. If you’re attracting something to you, it doesn’t mean you want it. It simply means that you somehow have ingrained in you that it’s what you expect. It’s your reality.

Let’s take money (or lack thereof) as an example. Let’s say you struggle to pay your rent and basic bills every month, even though you’re working really hard. Okay, let’s assume for a minute that LOA is right on and that you’re attracting this struggle to you. Does that mean you want that to be happening? Of course not. But it probably does mean that somewhere, somehow, you have ingrained within you the message of “not enough” when it comes to money. Maybe your parents were (decent, hardworking, well-meaning) people who said, “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” or, “There’s never enough to go around,” etc. If you grew up with these or similar messages and you have them ingrained in you as your reality, then somehow, for you, money is supposed to be scarce and precious. So that’s what you attract in your experiences. Money is indeed “scarce” and “precious,” and you never have enough.

Now, just recognizing this fact goes a lot toward changing your “vibration,” which you hear a lot about when someone’s talking about LOA. Your vibration is just basically the “signal” you send out to the universe, and that signal attracts what it matches back to you. So if you’re always worried about and struggling with money, guess what you attract? Yep, more worry and struggle with money.

So then, does this mean you can just say, “Well, la-dee-dah, I’ll just quit worrying about money, then, and things will be fine!”? While many proponents of LOA would give a resounding “Yes!” to that answer, I would wager that for most of us, we need baby steps that will ultimately get us to that mindset. More on that in the next article.

Addiction to Complaining

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Complaining is a way of life for some people. It was certainly a way of life for my mother. I don’t remember a day going by without her complaining, endlessly. I don’t think I ever heard a word of gratitude out of my mother’s mouth. No matter how good things were, she would manage to find something wrong. No matter how perfect I was and God knows I tried to be perfect! she always found something wrong with me, as well as with my father.

Over the years of counseling others, I’ve noticed that some people start every session with a complaint. They can’t seem to help it. Like my mother, they are addicted to complaining.

Why do people complain? What is it they want or hope for when they complain?

People who complain are generally people who have not done the emotional and spiritual work of developing a loving, compassionate inner adult self. They are operating as a wounded child in need of love, attention and compassion. Because they have not learned to give themselves the attention and compassion they need, they seek to get these needs met by others. Complaining is a way they have learned to attempt to get this. They use complaining as a form of control, hoping to guilt others into giving them the attention, caring and compassion they seek.

Complaining is a “pull” on other people. Energetically, complainers are pulling on others for caring and understanding because they have emotionally abandoned themselves. They are like demanding little children. The problem is that most people dislike being pulled on and demanded of. Most people don’t want emotional responsibility for another person and will withdraw in the face of another’s complaints.

This is what my father did. He withdrew, shut down, was emotionally unavailable to my mother as a way to protect himself from being controlled by her complaints. Of course, he didn’t just do this in response to my mother. He had learned to withdraw as a child in response to his own mother’s complaints and criticism. He entered the marriage ready to withdraw in the face of my mother’s pull, while she entered the marriage ready to make my father emotionally responsible for her. A perfect match!

My father’s withdrawal, of course, only served to exacerbate my mother’s complaining, and she constantly complained about my father’s lack of caring about her. Likewise, my mother’s complaining served to exacerbate my father’s already withdrawn way of being. This vicious circle started early and continued unabated for the 60 years of their marriage, until my mother died.

While my parents loved each other, their ability to express their love got buried beneath the dysfunctional system they created. Unfortunately, this is all too common in relationships. One person pulling with complaints, anger, judgment, and other forms of control – and the other withdrawing, is the most common relationship system I work with.

A person addicted to complaining will not be able to stop complaining until he or she does the inner work of developing an adult part of themselves capable of giving themselves the love, caring, understanding and compassion they need. As long as they believe that it is another’s responsibility to be the adult for them and fill them with love, they will not take on this responsibility for themselves.

Our inner child the feeling part of us needs attention, approval, caring. If we don’t learn to give this to ourselves, then this wounded child part of ourselves will either seek to get it from others, or learn to numb out with substance and process addictions food, alcohol, drugs, TV, work, gambling, and so on. If, as a child, a person saw others get attention through complaining as my mother did with my grandmother and if complaining worked for the child to get what he or she wanted, then it can become an addiction. Like all addictions, it may work for the moment, but it will never fill the deep inner need for love. Only we can fill this need for ourselves, by opening our hearts to the Source of love. Only we can do the inner work of developing a loving adult capable of opening to the love of Spirit and bringing that love to the child within. People stop complaining when they learn to fill themselves with love.

Living on Purpose: One Rock at a Time

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I just got back from Colorado where I spent a week relaxing, re-energizing and revisiting the key values in my life. The lodge where I stayed is called Peaceful Valley, and it has a chapel on the premises. I’ve been to Peaceful Valley and to this chapel many times over the years. The chapel is at the end of a steep ten-minute hike, which has become a ritual for me. The view at the top — a part of the Rocky Mountain range — is breathtaking.

On the way down one morning I was in a hurry and going too fast for the terrain. I nearly fell. There were lots of rocks, and it was easy to hit a wobbly one and slip.

I slowed down, took a deep breath, and placed my foot down purposefully on the next rock, and then the next. I soon sped up and had to slow myself down again.

I decided that even if I was late, I would place each foot consciously every time I took a step. It took a lot for me to do this. But it turned out to be an amazing centering and meditative practice. One rock at a time — that’s all I chose to think about. And I was suddenly more aware of everything — the sound of the wind, the chattering of birds and squirrels, and the light of the early morning sun on the golden aspens.

I thought: I could do this more often. Be here now. Feel the touch of my foot on the rock. Feel the steering wheel as I drive. BE at the stop light, instead of minutes or hours ahead at the destination. Hear the birds outside my office window.

I begin to think that multi-tasking is overrated. The really hard thing is to be fully present in one place at a time.

How aware are you of this moment? Does life seem to speed up so much that you miss some of the most important parts? Take a moment right now and breathe. Count to 5 on the inhale, and count 5 again on the exhale. Take the time. It’s now that you’re alive, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Now.
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“Centering is the art of being fully alive. And wherever the art of centering is practiced, things change dramatically.”
— Tom Crum, “Journey to Center”
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Wishing you good energy in every moment!

Getting Into The Holiday Spirit

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What comes to mind when you think about the holidays?

Do you groan, feeling burdened by all you have to do? Do you dread going shopping for gifts or cleaning up after a Christmas or Chanukah celebration?

Or, do you feel a sense of fun, of delight, of joy in the celebrating, giving and receiving?

Which part of you is in charge of the holidays your judgmental self or your loving self?

Think for a moment about the little child in you the child that loved the holidays. What delighted you about Christmas or Chanukah? Most kids are really excited about receiving gifts, but many children also feel equally excited about giving gifts. Did you enjoy decorating your house?

Or, were the holidays a sad time, a time of heartbreak due to not having enough money? Or a time of loneliness due to the loss of a loved one? Were they a time of stress in your family? Was there abuse around the holiday time?

Whatever the situation of the past, you have an opportunity now, as an adult, to give your own inner child the Christmas or Chanukah he or she wants and deserves. You have an opportunity to move into gratitude for what you have rather than anxiety for all you have to do. Instead of choosing to dread or resist the holiday spirit, why not open to it, embrace it, feel the grace of it?

Let the child in you do the shopping for gifts. Let the child in you receive the delight of picking out just the right gift for a friend or loved one. Or let the child in you find some way to give, some way to share your love. Even if you are alone or poor, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, find a way to give your caring to someone who has less than you.

The holiday spirit is about gratitude and giving. Take the opportunity to notice how fulfilling it is to joyously give rather than to resist or be angry about the work involved.
Take this opportunity to discover how full your heart feels when you choose to feel grateful rather than grumpy.

Feelings come from thoughts. If you choose to think, “Oh no, the holidays are here already. There is just too much work to do,” you may feel anxious and overwhelmed. If you choose to think, “What a drag to have to go out and buy presents,” you may feel resentful. If you choose to think, “Another holiday season and I am still alone,” you may feel depressed. If you choose to think, “This is just a commercial holiday so business can make money,” you may feel angry.

However, if you choose to think, “How can I make this fun?” you may feel excited. If you choose to think, “How can I give to others this holiday?” you may feel open hearted. If you choose to think, “I get to buy things for the people I love,” you may feel grateful.

So who do you want to be this holiday season? You can choose to be a Grinch, close-hearted and angry about Christmas. You can choose to be tense, anxious, judgmental, depressed, fearful, withdrawn, or resistant.

Or you can choose to be happy, peaceful, excited, grateful, loving, open hearted, and joyous. It is all up to you. How you feel is the result of how you choose to think about the holidays.

Why not try an experiment this holiday?” Refuse to allow negative thoughts. Instead, make a list of positive thoughts and as soon as a negative thought comes up, imagine changing channels on a TV, switching to the positive channel. Then notice how you feel!

Internet Addiction

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Many experts have declined to comment on the status of the internet addiction disorder for a long time. It was not really intended to be part of the wide array of disorders that threaten the modern person’s sanity at that time but as move on into the digital era, the very idea of internet addiction as a form of diseases is no longer remote. In fact, many health professionals are now convinced that too much attachment or destructive type of dependency on the internet can already be classified as a form of disease. Yes, there are still a lot of criticisms and discussions to be resolved before this type of disorder can be included in the books but the possibility that this type of disorder will indeed become a leading form of mental disorder in our generation is not really remote.

What most people online who think they are addicted are probably suffering from is the desire to not want to deal with other problems in their lives. Those problems may be a mental disorder (depression, anxiety, etc.), a serious health problem or disability, or a relationship problem. It is no different than turning on the TV so you won’t have to talk to your spouse, or going “out with the boys” for a few drinks so you don’t have to spend time at home. Nothing is different except the modality. What some very few people who spend time online without any other problems present may suffer from is compulsive over-use. Compulsive behaviors, however, are already covered by existing diagnostic categories and treatment would be similar. It’s not the technology (whether it be the Internet, a book, the telephone, or the television) that is important or addicting — it’s the behavior. And behaviors are easily treatable by traditional cognitive-behavior techniques in psychotherapy.

People who work online and spend so much time working in front of their computers are not exactly what you may call as internet addicts. Internet addiction is much more than just spending some time online trying to earn a living. In fact, even if you spend several hours surfing the net but you do feel this obsessive need to be online most of the time, you cannot really say that you are already an addict. We must understand that addiction is a strong word and before you can say that you are addicted to something, you must have that uncontrollable and insatiable craving for that something. Internet addiction therefore should be viewed in a more complex manner than just simple need to be online most of the time.

When exactly can you be considered as an internet addict? According to some experts, internet addiction happens when one becomes dependent on some aspects of the internet. Having a pathological relationship with some specific online sires such as those online gambling, online auctions, adult sites and others can actually make one an internet addict. A lot of people who are hooked on these sites often become agitated and restless if they cannot log into the internet and check out these sites during the day. In fact, some people are known to spend long hours on these sites that they often forget some themselves. In most cases, internet addicts face their computer the whole night that they can no longer function well during the day. According to some experts, denying this person access to the internet may result to extreme anxiety and withdrawal symptoms.

Success – Character is Higher Than Intellect – Empower Yourself With This Realization

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We all know how easy it is to follow the majority, to do as everyone else seems to be doing, to do only that which is considered average. It takes a strong individual to live a life based on his or her own ideals. Such a person shows strength simply in ability to remain on a chosen path regardless of the inevitable counter forces.

It is the fear of these counter forces that keeps most of us away from our natural desire to learn in order to fulfill our desire for acceptance. It is the fear of these counter forces that threatens us to inaction rather than face failure.

Although we tend to restrict ourselves, we admire those who have the tenacity to face up to these forces in order to live the way they choose. To those who have used their mind to perceive and understand the unknown we recognize their intellect. To those who go the extra step of being a living example of their beliefs we recognize their character.

We offer our highest admiration to those who act, those who demonstrate character. We recognize that it is not only amazing to have reasoning power and knowledge, it is incredible to veer from the norm and act in a way as to be a living example of one’s beliefs. Through our admiration we realize that character is higher than intellect.

Now, it would seem that rather than placing these people on a pedestal , it would be better to let them serve as models for us. Rather than merely admiring their daring we could stand to benefit from their example, the example of action.

Such an example was given to us by Thomas Edison and his Insomnia Team who were named as such because of their long hours. He chose to spend most of his waking hours with these men, who were just as dedicated as he, working endlessly on a given belief.

Edison also made a point to clearly demonstrate his determination through an open door policy with the media. Though he was mainly doing this in an attempt to secure financial backing it gave the rest of the world a clear picture of this man’s character.

Edison and the Insomnia Team showed their persistence and determination often throughout the years. One of the inventions that called heavily on these qualities was the light bulb. Edison and his Insomnia Team could have given up after a couple attempts, yet even after a couple hundred attempts; however, they continued on even into thousands of attempts.

Edison could not be discouraged; rationalizing that since they had only found thousands of ways it could not be done, he could only be closer to the right answer. Edison and the Insomnia Team above intelligence showed character. Their determination pushed aside the counter forces and their diligence was rewarded after over three thousand attempts.

Determination such as this should be ours since it is the very substance that promotes action. This, of course, is easier said than done. Recognizing that action is spurred by determination may be a key to a new way of living.

If we believe in something, the beliefs of others, particularly those who speak of impossibilities should be ignored. Since we all are able to rationalize that error is part of human nature we should not be afraid of it, rather we should look at it more like Edison who saw it as a stepping stone bringing him closer to his goal.

In realizing that character is higher that intellect we should not only admire it in others we should strive to make it our own.

This empowering thought is fuel to drive us to success. We have the power to be the best we can be by acting on our dreams. We can learn what we need along the way.

7 Places to Find the People You Need

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Copyright 2006 Cari Vollmer

Where do you go to find the PEOPLE you need to make your dreams a reality? Read the 7 suggestions below to get started. You might find the people you need are closer than you think.

1. Form or participate in a success team.

This is my secret. For every major project I commit to I surround myself with other people with similar goals. For example: I wanted help keeping my business on track. I formed a group with three other business owners who had the same goal. We learn a ton from each other, share resources, provide feedback and offer unending encouragement. We’ve been together for over a year and they play a big role in my ability to consistently get things done and make things happen.

2. Get coached!

I may be biased, but before I was a coach I hired a coach. It gave me the shot in the arm I needed to launch my business. Coaching is amazing because you get to work one-on-one with someone totally dedicated to you and your success. A coach will offer you encouragement, accountability and help you plan strategic courses of action.

3. Find a mentor.

A mentor will help you shorten your learning curve because they’ve already been where you want to go. Who in your profession or life do you admire? Ask them if they’d be willing to meet with you on a regular basis and be your mentor. For tips on setting up a good mentor-mentee relationship, search Google with the keywords “mentoring tips” or something similar. You’ll find lots of information.

4. Follow an expert.

If you’re looking for advice on a specific topic, let’s say boosting self-confidence, read books, attend seminars or check online. When you find someone whose style you enjoy become an “expert groupie”. Read their books, check out their website and watch for special programs they offer.

5. Join a special interest group.

There’s a group for every interest and everyone! Group members often share best practices, swap referrals and bring in experts related to their unique niche. Look for existing groups in your local newspaper, community education and flyers on coffee shop bulletin boards. Your alumni association may have suggestions, as well as your local chamber of commerce and networking organizations.

6. Go online.

Join online discussion groups. My sister-in-law made a bevy of new friends when she joined an online discussion group of moms with kids all the same age. They’ve become friends, share parenting tips and even meet for an annual girl’s weekend away! One note: always be careful when you join online communities. Although great ones exist there are plenty with unscrupulous characters just waiting to take advantage of trusting individuals.

7. Ask a friend.

Do you have a friend that would just love it if you asked for their help? Sometimes help is closer than you think. Do you have a friend that is particularly supportive and encouraging? If so, tell them your goal and ask for their support. They’ll probably be thrilled and honored you thought of them and asked for their help. They may surprise you and ask for your help in return!

Surrounding yourself with PEOPLE that will help you get what you want is easier than you think but you have to ASK! Don’t hesitate and don’t be afraid. Ask and keep asking until you find “just the right” people to help you achieve your most important goals!