There is a phase in everybody’s life when one does not feel nice about many things or anything, and for no particular reason. If it is a short period, there is nothing to worry about, but if it stretches too long it could be depression. This kind of depression is some times disabling. When the patient is considered as a disabled person, s/he is also eligible for social security benefits.

But, how to treat depression?

This condition can be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. He can help you overcome the condition. However, in this case no help is better than self-help. Besides, no amount of help from anyone can actually work without your own effort.

Depression is found to be very common among Americans, as around 9.5 percent of the population in the United States suffers from the problem. The worst part is that people suffering from depression normally do not get themselves treated, which, in turn, makes this disease worse. For a layman, cheering up someone may look like a very easy task, but when it comes to someone suffering from depression, it is an uphill task.

For one who is suffering from chronic depression, it is necessary to visit a cognitive behavioral therapist and to take the medicines as and when prescribed by him. No doubt the treatment for depression often comes with a heavy expense but that is nothing compared to the pain borne by the patient.

Often considered as a mild problem, depression can sometimes even lead to suicide. It also affects the normal day-to-day activities of a person and the person starts loosing his self-confidence and begins keeping himself or herself secluded.

There are different symptoms of depression which include gradual loss of interest in something that the patient used to enjoy a lot, getting sleep disorders, becoming unfriendly, preferring isolation or talking about deaths. The list of symptoms is endless. And if such symptoms are noticed in someone, it is important that the person is rushed to the psychiatrist at the earliest so that the progression of depression could be checked in time.

Depression not only affects the patient but also the near and dear ones of him, as they feel helpless in doing anything for the patient. After spending some time with the patient, even the relatives start feeling completely out of sync with the patient.

The best way to deal with depression is to face it full and square. Normally, cognitive negative reinforcement therapists prefer cognitive behavioral talk or interpersonal talk with the patient as they are considered to be among the best methods. Efforts have to be made to make the patient realize that depression is nothing but a state of mind and he or she can get rid of it by trying to be happy.

Medications do help but nothing helps better than the patient’s determination to fight depression. The moment he or she realizes that the cure lies in believing and fighting back, half the battle is won.

Abandoning false, malicious, harsh and idle speech

“Abandoning false speech, he abstains from false speech; he speaks truth, adheres to truth, is trustworthy and reliable, one who is no deceiver of the world.

Abandoning malicious speech, he abstains from malicious speech; he does not repeat elsewhere what he has heard here in order to divide [those people] from these, nor does he repeat to these people what he has heard else where to divide [these people] fromthose; thus he is one who reunites those who are divided, a promoter of friendships, who enjoy concord, rejoices in concord, delights in concord, a speaker of words that promote concord.

Abandoning harsh speech, he abstains from harsh speech; he speaks such words as are gentle, pleasing to the ear, and loveable, as go to the heart, are courteous, desired by many and agreeable to many.

Abandoning idle chatter, he abstains from idle chatter; he speaks at the right time, speaks what is fact, speaks on what is good, speaks on the Dhamma (Buddha’s teachings) and the Discipline (moral guidelines); at the right time he speaks such words
as are worth recording, reasonable, moderate, and beneficial.”

Having proper speech is just one aspect of the The ten virtuous deeds:

Refraining from the following ten actions:
1) taking life,
2) taking what is not given
3) sexual misconduct,
(which are the three virtuous actions of body. )

4) lying,
5) slander,
6) harsh speech
7) idle speech,
(which are the four virtuous deeds of speech.)

8) envy,
9) ill will
10) holding wrong views
(which are the three virtuous deeds of mind.)

It is possible to “upgrade” our capacities through diligent spiritual practice along the graduated path to full Enlightenment (Buddhahood) by increasing our Compassion and Wisdom. However, we should not pressure others to “upgrade” their capacities. We should instead use skilful means to encourage them to spiritually grow beyond their current capacity in good time. Sometimes, others need more than this lifetime alone to “upgrade” their capacities.

When you are organized, you will be able to accomplish more and enjoy what you are doing. You will also be able to feel better about your life in general. Organization means a lot of things to different people. For some, it is as simple as buying a calendar, for others it may mean attending time management seminars. Regardless of how much organization you need to incorporate into your life, you will need essentials that can be found by using the franklin covey system. This system allows you to organize your work, personal, and social life by buying organizational materials that will make tracking, list making, appointments, and much more possible.

Time management is an important skill that many people do not possess. When you are able to utilize your time, you will be able to accomplish more and not have to feel stressed out during the day. By scheduling activities and tasks during the day, you will be able to complete them and still get a restful sleep at nighttime. Time management training is available through consulting firms, freelance life coaches, and stress management therapists. You can find one of these seminars by looking online or by calling a consultant. Anyone can learn how to manage their time through a willingness to learn, the ability to learn, and by using the materials that will make you successful.

There are a few personal organization tools you will need in order to maintain your daily life. Day planners are used to keep appointments from being missed and to see where you have time during the day to fit in more. Day planners can be books, electronic devices, or calendars that you add to when a new appointment has been made. You can use software if you want automatic updates for standing appointments and alerts of time that is already taken. Handhelds are also popular as you can use them to send email or create lists.

Learning the seven habits of organization will help you put your life in order and will also allow you to have more time for yourself or your family. Franklin Covey organization materials can be purchased in stores and online. The Franklin planner is very popular and is used by those who have busy schedules. Calendars, binders, and business cases and totes Franklin Covey are planner accessories that you should consider purchasing. Once you have learned the 7 habits, you will be better able to manage your life.

In addition to organizational planning, you should consider leadership training. This is a good way to learn the productivity tools used by those in leadership roles. Having a mission statement will give your business a focus. By using products from Stephan Covey, you will see your business improve. Buying small items like totes and business cases and using software like PlanPlus will also help you become more organized.

A “frame” is simply a way of viewing an interaction. Every communication is done within some frame or a way of looking at the communication. How you set that frame is of vital importance.

If you let the other person set the frame you will be playing their game by their rules, yet it is something we allow people to do all the time without a thought.

You can create the best frame for any of your communications by asking some of these questions:

How do I want them to perceive me?
This means to place yourself in the role that will give you the greatest leverage and influence; a helper, an authority, a peer or superior.

As a helper, consider uncovering the subjects problem and providing sympathy and hope. By using “we” and “us” as you speak to them you are painting a picture with the two of you working together. It makes it more personal and amiable while still being seen as an authority.

The authority frame is set by a presentation and attitude of confidence that is based on long experience. In other words appear to know what you’re talking about. Uncertainty is a killer and destroys your authority.

How do I want them to perceive the way I communicate?
The way you make your presentation is everything. To be knowledgeable and engaging you can reveal details to the subject that they aren’t aware of (even if they are unimportant) and present them in visual, auditory and kinesthetic modalities.

How do I want them to perceive my message?
To influence you have to consider the presentation style more than just information. Have passion and certainty about what you speak but always leave the final choice in their hands as if you didn’t care whether they went with you or not. This allows you to maintain your authority without them feeling coerced.

How can I put in a call to action in how they perceive me, my communication and my message?
This can be done by giving them options. If there are multiple options then color the choices to favor what you want them to do.
A call to action can further be made by speaking as if its already done “Having done this we’ll have already noticed the benefit.” for example.

Understand that the frame of an interaction always begins in your mind. If you are giving a presentation during a seminar the frame could be “I’m helping with the seminar.” or “They have allowed me to speak.” The first frame makes you a peer to the other people in the seminar while the latter makes you a subordinate.

Sales people often let the prospect set the frame and look down upon them as a “mere salesman”.

Likewise in dating some men consider very attractive women to be “out of my league”

Don’t EVERY let this happen.

Consider every interaction you have and always ask yourself how to frame the interaction to best benefit you.

Are you the type of person who feels that there are not enough hours in the day for you to complete all of your daily tasks and duties? This article gives free tips on how to manage your time in a more constructive and successful way.

Set a to do list

I am one of the people who would have answered the above question with a definite yes. I often used to feel under pressure and uptight, I worried that I did not have enough time to do what I wanted and needed to do.

I now set myself a to do list which helps me to plan my time better. I have a priority list, which is the tasks which are the most important for me to complete. I will concentrate on working through these jobs first and always try to ensure that they are completed before the day ends.

If I manage to work through all of these tasks, I then start on my second list. This is a list of other important tasks which need to be completed as soon as possible but which do not particularly have to be finished today.

I then have my final list which is work that needs to be completed, however there is no immediate rush to finish them.

If at the end of the day I have certain tasks left on any of the lists, they then are added to the lists of the following day. This is a simple formula which has worked for me and which helps me to sleep better at night.

Take a break

In the past when I used to struggle to work through my tasks, I would start to panic and would not allow myself a break. This I have come to realise is a big mistake. My brain and that of most people has a certain concentration span. If I just continue to work, the quality of this work will soon drop as my brain becomes tired and weary. It is as if it is punishing me for not rewarding it with a rest.

I now make sure that I have regular breaks and I will usually take an hour for lunch. This helps me to return to my tasks fresh and alert. My brain is also happier which helps me to think clearer and quicker.

Do not rush

I would always rush each task, eager to start on the next one. What I found was that this would lead me to making lots of silly errors. I would then have to go back and amend these mistakes which ultimately would cost me valuable time. I now work at a speed I am comfortable with. I still make errors which of course is part of life, however there are now far fewer of these.

Do not beat yourself up

I am my own worst critic. I would often go to bed and would be unable to sleep as I was thinking about all of my unfinished business. I would feel guilty and even ashamed of myself. The next morning after this lack of sleep, I would be tired, which would affect my ability to work well.

This of course was like a vicious circle, which was making things a whole lot worse. I now am attempting to be a lot easier on myself and realise that all I can do each day, is to try my best. If I am unable to complete a task or tasks that is fine, I will do it in the morning.

I hope the above advice helps you to plan your day more effectively and leads you to more positive and successful results.

Irene, in her late 40s, had been in an out of treatment centers for years before consulting with me. When in treatment, she was fine, with no desire to drink, but once she returned home with her husband, Frank, and two adolescent children, it didn’t take long before she was back to drinking. Even though she faithfully attended AA meetings, she could not stay sober once she returned home. She loved her husband and children and could not understand why she could not stay sober at home. Each time she went back to drinking, she would hate herself for her weakness, seeing herself as a deeply flawed, defective person. She believed that the problem was entirely hers – that her family had nothing to do with it.

“What changes regarding how you feel when you go home?” I asked her on one of our phone sessions.

“I feel trapped. I feel controlled and suffocated, like I can’t be myself.”

“What happens that make you feel so trapped?”

“I don’t know. Frank is such a sweet and wonderful man, and I know that he really loves me. And I love him. I don’t get what is happening that makes me feel so agitated and trapped.”

I asked her if Frank would be willing to join us in a phone session. She was quite sure he would – that he would be willing to do anything to help her and help their relationship.

Frank was willing. In the first session Irene expressed to Frank her feelings of being trapped. Frank’s response was to attempt to talk her out of her feelings by talking about how wonderful their life is. In this first session, I immediately felt Irene cave in and completely give herself up, saying nothing to Frank about how she felt when he didn’t hear her and tried to talk her out of her feelings.

“Irene, in my experience, Frank is not hearing you at all and is trying to talk you out of your feelings. Does this happen often?”

“All the time,” she answered. Frank immediately went into denial, saying that is not what he was doing and that it certainly didn’t happen all the time. His voice was very firm and parental, as if he really knew what he was talking about. Irene went silent.

“Irene, what are you feeling right now?” I asked.

“I feel like I’m going to explode. I just want to get away and have a drink. I feel sick to my stomach.”

Frank actually started to attempt to talk her out of these feelings and then stopped. “Do you really feel that way?” he asked.

“Yes, and I feel this way much of the time we are together.”

“Why haven’t you told me?”

“I am telling you right now and all you want to do is tell me that I am wrong and shouldn’t feel this way!”

In subsequent sessions with Irene, I helped her to articulate all the things that Frank did that made her feel trapped and invalidated – and there were many. He would grab her breasts, no matter how many times she had told him that this didn’t feel good. He would get judgmental when she wanted to spend time with a friend that he didn’t like. He would even try to control what she wore. Invariably, Irene would cave in – and then drink.

Irene and I worked on her learning to speak up for herself and take loving action for herself – disengaging and walking away when Frank was discounting her, pulling on her, or judging her. She had always been afraid to hurt his feelings with her honesty because would be angry and withdraw for days when she did manage to speak up. I encouraged her to tell him that she would no longer be around him when he was angry and withdrawn, and then to spend time with friends, go on a little vacation with her kids, or pursue her hobbies when he acted out.

Once Irene started to tell her truth and take action on it, she found herself not wanting to drink. She was able to make the connection between her drinking and her abandoning herself in the face of Frank’s controlling behavior.

Because Frank does love Irene, he was willing to address his subtle and overt controlling behavior. While it did not happen over night, Irene’s drinking is no longer a problem for her.