Alcoholism is a devastating disease that effects millions of people every year. Recognizing alcoholism in yourself or someone else can be difficult. Alcoholism is defined as a disease that allows a persons use of alcohol to interfere with their life and the basic functioning of their daily tasks, needs and responsibilities.

The clinical way of looking at alcohol is by examining the amount of alcohol a person consumes. A women who drinks more than seven drink per week or more than three drinks a day and a man who drinks more than 14 drinks per week or four drinks in a day would be considered an alcoholic. A drink is defined as 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine or 1.5 ounces of 80 proof liquor.

Warning signs of alcoholism may vary form person to person. Usually though these warning signs will be obvious. The following list outlines some of these signs.

– misses a lot of work or school
– losses interest in family, friends or activities
– depression
– drinking to cope with any problem
– insomnia
– being intoxicated often
– moody
– drinking related health problems

These are some of the noticeable warning signs. More serious behaviors can also serve as a wake-up call. Risky behavior like drinking and driving should be taken seriously.

Alcohol when taken in moderation is a nice way to relax or enjoy a social engagement, where when alcohol becomes a problem it can effect everyone who is close to the alcoholic. Some things that can tell a person they may be having a problem with alcohol are:

– worry over not having alcohol or money to buy it
– hiding alcohol so others do not know you have it
– often wishing to be drunk or get drunk faster
– unable to stop drinking once started
– hearing others comment on your drinking

Alcoholism should always be taken seriously. If you or someone you know has a drinking problem professional help is available in every community. Recognizing the problem is the first step to finding a solution.

“The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others”

Sharon Anthony Bower

It is interesting that many people still confuse being assertive with being aggressive. How about you? Have you learnt the difference? Forgive me if you have, but for those of you who still aren’t quite clear, here is a quick guide to assertiveness going for the win-win result.

Assertiveness is a behavior or skill that helps you to communicate, clearly and with confidence, your feelings, needs, wants and thoughts, whilst acknowledging the needs of others. It means that you are able to state your opinions without feeling self-conscious, as well as being able to express your emotions openly. Being assertive will enable you to make clear to others how you wish to proceed in all aspects of your life. At the same time you will value others, respecting their right to an opinion as well. Through effective, assertive communication you will be able to express how you wish to move forward.

Is there an issue that needs to be resolved? Before confronting someone, why not write down what you are going to say? Be polite, concise and include the following elements: the nature of the problem; how it affects you; how you feel about it; what you want to change. Be prepared to negotiate if necessary to bring resolution. By using tact and foresight and by making the effort to see the other point of view and acknowledging it you will place yourself in a position of strength. Be prepared to offer a compromise if that fits in with what you are aiming to achieve. Assertiveness does not mean digging your heels in for the sake of it!

Are you behaving passively? Do you think it is selfish to say what you want? Do you worry that if you refuse to do something, then people won’t like you? Or do you think that other people should know what you want? Sorry. Most people are so wound up with their own thoughts and worries that they usually haven’t time to be second-guessing you. By being clear and prepared to defend your own position if necessary, you will be able to build better relationships with those around you.

Feeling aggressive? Take it out in the gym, on a punch ball or on the running track rather than at work or at home. Aggression is emotion out of control and can be very destructive. A physical activity can help you to diffuse the aggression.

One of the great skills of an assertive person is the ability to say “no”. Be brief and to the point. Be honest. If you know an unwelcome request is coming your way practice saying “no” in advance. What are you going to say and do? If necessary, use the ‘Broken Record Technique’ where you just keep repeating your statement softly, calmly and persistently. Don’t confuse rejecting a request with rejecting the person making the request. Most people are happy to accept an honest “no” if it is expressed appropriately. The first time will be the hardest!

Practice the body movements of an assertive person. When standing, be upright and relaxed with open hand gestures. Relax your facial features and make firm and direct eye contact with whoever you are communicating with. This does not mean that you spend the day grinning! Your facial expression needs to be appropriate to how you are feeling, so that you don’t give out any mixed messages. If you are pleased, smile, but if you aren’t so happy with the way things are, feel free to frown.

Show a willingness to explore other solutions than your own if necessary. Encourage creativity from all. “How can we solve this problem?” will encourage others to tap into their resourcefulness. Sometimes it just takes a bit of encouragement.

Weigh the costs. Telling other people how you feel also makes it easier for them to communicate their feelings to you. Assertiveness is about acknowledging that all opinions are important “I matter and so do you”. By being passive or aggressive you will lose out. Being assertive costs nothing but brings many benefits. You will be able to communicate better, command respect and be listened to within respectful, negotiating relationships. Win-Win? Definitely!

Do you get up in the morning determined to have a good day and before you know it, you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and that you can’t wait for the day to be over so you can rest? Do you feel like you are existing from day to day rather than living a life of joy? Do you ever ask yourself, “Is this all there is, and if it is, do I want it?” If so, you are not alone.

Thousands of people just like you are asking these same questions. These are the people who thought that if they just did it right everything would be okay. Right meant – getting married, having children, buying the starter house, moving to the larger house and two car garage, and so on including getting a good education so you could make lots of bucks. You keep running to keep up with this picture of success and yet you feel so empty. The emptiness feels like isolation, loneliness, and exhaustion. I call this emptiness ‘existential despair.’

Existential Despair

Existentialism is a philosophy centred upon the analysis of existence and stressing the freedom, responsibility, and usually the isolation of the individual. Despair means utter loss of hope or a cause of hopelessness. ‘Existential despair’ then means the painful discrepancy between what is, and what should be, between one’s perceptions, and one’s suppositions.

This sense of loss or the absence of meaning in one’s life is the common denominator of all forms of emotional distress and has been identified as the ‘modern day illness.’ Pain, disease, disappointment, loss, failure, alienation, or merely boredom – all lead to this feeling that life is meaningless. ‘Existential despair’ exists when we buy the myth that having the external goodies creates success and happiness. We do and buy everything we can to fill the ‘hole in our soul’ except the one thing that really matters – going within and making peace with ourselves.

Making Peace with Ourselves

Making peace with ourselves involves changing the way we habitually focus our energy. What this means is that WHAT YOU FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON EXPANDS. Scientists are discovering that energy never dies; rather, it changes form as attention is focused on it. Thoughts are energy. A belief is a thought with expectations attached. Everything starts with a thought and reality is created by expectant thoughts.

One of the universal laws is the Law of Increase. This law ensures that whatever you concentrate on will increase in your life. In other words, whatever you think about expands and therefore you will receive even more. In an empowering (positive) way, expressing gratitude for all the many blessings you have received accelerates this process. In a limiting (negative) way, the same principle applies.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is the state of being grateful: thankfulness. What does this mean in terms of our lives? Essentially this means that when we look at life as an opportunity to grow in love, and learn about opening our hearts with love, we see the world from a place of healing and peace. When we look at the world as a place of pain and suffering that is also what we see. Pain and suffering actually constricts our hearts and affects our physical health.

Gratitude as a Way of Life

How many of us live our lives being grateful for the many blessings we have? How many times a day do we say ‘thank you’? When was the last time you said ‘thank you’ to yourself for creating this wondrous being that you are?

What would your day look like if you lived your life as if everything was a gift to you? How would you start the day if the first thing you did was to be thankful for the gift of life? One of the quotes I especially like is by Jim Evans. It is, “If you don’t think everyday is a great day, try going without one.” Black Elk (Native American visionary) spoke of his habit of greeting each morning by stepping outside, letting his bare feet touch the wet grass literally reconnecting with the earth, and singing a prayer of gratitude for the day’s arrival.

Practical Steps to Practicing Gratitude

1. Start a gratitude journal. Depending on which author you read, suggestions range from 5 – 80 things a day. What works for me is saying ‘thank you’ to everything I encounter each day, for example a sunrise/sunset, hoar frost on the trees (especially when the sun is shining), food, shelter, warm homes and offices, clothing, colleagues, work/jobs, lessons about living peace, etc.

2. Remember: Meister Eckhart’s saying, “The most important prayer in the world is just two words: THANK YOU.”

3. Do a gratitude alphabet exercise. In your notebook, write the letters from A – Z. As fast as you can, write down I am grateful for ___________ starting with the letter A and going through the alphabet. For example: I am grateful for apples, I am grateful for bananas, I am grateful for carrots, and so until you finish all the letters.

4. Start your day by being thankful for all the blessings you have.

5. Practice an ‘Act of Kindness’ everyday.

6. Look for ways you can genuinely praise your partner, your child, your colleague, your employees, the person who serves you – such as a waitress, mail carrier, paper delivery person, police officers, etc.

7. Thank the earth for sustaining your life by providing food, air, and water.

8. Write a letter to the Universe expressing gratitude for all your blessings.

9. Thank your parents for giving you life.

10. Thank the Universe for all the lessons you have received.

“I like to think of myself as an artist, and my life is my greatest work of art. Every moment is a moment of creation, and each moment of creation contains infinite possibilities. I can do things the way I’ve always done them, or I can look at all the different alternatives, and try something new and different and potentially more rewarding. Every moment presents a new opportunity and a new decision.”

–From Creative Visualization, by Shakti Gawain

The Holidays are filled with key moments — and Ki Moments. Are you ready for them? Gift decisions, company parties, Holiday dinners with friends and family — they’re loaded with opportunities, aren’t they? Will the pressure of the moment help you reach peak performance or will you look back later wondering why you did what you did — again!

When your sibling does something that pushes your buttons, your children are over the top with excitement, your partner forgets the wine, and your associate forgets the most important action item, whatever you do, say, and receive back will be contingent upon what self you choose in that moment.

Give yourself and those you love and work with some unexpected gifts this season:
–The gift of your best self. When the pressure is on, breathe and come back to what you really want — for this moment, and this relationship.
–The gift of empathy. Give up the fight and acknowledge the pressure that you and they are under.
–The gift of perspective. Laugh, love, let go, and learn.
–The gift of peace. Don’t talk about peace, BE peace, in your family, your workplace, your community, and your nation. As Ghandi said, “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

Ki (from Ai-KI-do) is the Japanese for life energy. Aikido means “the way of blending with energy.” How will you extend your life energy this season? How will you receive theirs? It’s your choice. Your life depends on it.