Monthly Archives: September 2009

Less Talk, More Action!

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It is time for less talk and more action – loving action.

Loving actions are those actions that support our highest good and the highest good of others. Loving actions are those actions that are motivated by love rather than by fear.

Many people who have been on a path of personal and spiritual growth have spent a lot of time talking. Talking with friends about what is wrong and what they want. Talking with therapists about their past and their beliefs. Talking with a mate about what needs changing. They have explored and explored and talked and talked – and not much has changed.

Exploring our limiting beliefs and where we got them is essential for opening the door to loving action, but taking loving action is the secret to joy. We can talk and talk and learn and learn, but until we are willing to take loving action, nothing will change. It is not that it is time to stop learning about our fears and beliefs, but it is time for all this learning to result in loving action.

WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THE ACTIONS YOU TAKE?

We are always taking action, yet much of the time the actions we take are not loving, in that they do not support our own and others’ highest good.

All of our actions are being motivated by one of two intentions:

The intention to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. The intention to control is motivated by fear and the desire to protect against that which we fear.

The intention to learn about what is most loving to ourselves and others. This intention is motivated by love and the desire to become the most loving person we can be.

When our actions are being motivated by fear and our intent is to control, our wounded self is in charge.

When our actions are being motivated by love – both for ourselves and others – our loving Adult is in charge.

THE WOUNDED SELF

The wounded self is who we are when our primary intention is to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. Other common terms for the wounded self are the false self and the ego.

Our wounded self, coming from old fears and limiting beliefs, tries to feel safe through attempting to control our own painful feelings, as well as control others’ feelings and behavior and the outcome of things.

We are operating as our wounded self when we are listening to and taking action based on the programmed lies of our mind lies such as:

* I’m not good enough.

* I will always end up alone.

* There is something essentially wrong with me.

* When others are angry or withdrawn, it is my fault.

* I am responsible for others’ feelings.

* Others are responsible for my feelings.

These are just a few of the hundreds of lies that we absorbed as we were growing up. When we listen to and take action based these false beliefs, our actions are controlling rather than loving. Controlling actions lead to anxiety, depression, stress, anger, and many other painful feelings. We get caught in a vicious circle of creating our pain with our unloving, controlling actions, then choosing more controlling actions in our attempt to stop the pain that we have created with our controlling actions. Whew!

For example, if you lash out at someone with blaming anger in an attempt to control him or her, you may end up feeling anxious and lonely. You may then try to control your feelings of anxiety and loneliness by overeating or eating junk. This may result in feeling physically bad as well as in weight gain. Then you may feel anxious and depressed over the weight gain, which may generate fears of rejection. You may then attempt to cover over your fears of rejection by being overly nice in your attempt to control how someone feels about you. When that person does not respond in a loving way to you, you may then feel hurt and lash out in anger and blame in your attempt to have control over the other person as well as over your own hurt. Now you are right back where you started a vicious circle of pain and controlling behavior.

THE LOVING ADULT

In order to take loving action, your loving Adult needs to be in charge of your choices. Your loving Adult is who you are when you are coming from a deep desire to be a loving person and you are open to learning about what is most loving to yourself and others. When you are truly open to learning, you will naturally be connected with a higher source of guidance i.e. when you ask “What is the most loving action in this moment?” helpful answers will pop into your mind. Once you receive the answer in a particular situation, the loving Adult then takes the loving action.

It is time to open to learning about loving action and then take the loving action. Less talk, more action!

Calm Your Mind And Spirit Through A Spiritual Retreat

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A lot of the busy people nowadays are actually really prone to undergoing all sorts of stress related activities from high tailing it from one meeting to another or giving a presentation or a report that took weeks before it could be finished. Such stressful activities can really be jarring on the nerves which is why a lot of people become cranky and would not care less about how they associate with other people anymore.

1. Regain Self

When this happens and that person has already lost contact with his or her spiritual self as well as a good relationship with God, then it is really time to file for a vacation leave for your self and join a spiritual retreat wherein you will be able to calm your nerves and senses so that you will be able to go back and think about the really important things in life. Acknowledging people’s importance in your life and how you greatly appreciate their constant presence in your life will really be able to help you have a successful spiritual retreat.

2. Cater To Your Needs

When it comes to joining a spiritual retreat, you must consider the following things when trying to pick out from the various spiritual retreat venues the ones that will really be able to cater to your spiritual needs as well as will be able to foster your spiritual well being. There really are a lot of spiritual retreat venues that are available nowadays for people who would just like to get away from it all and what is great about it is that you need not worry about being bored to your wits in these spiritual retreats since the organizers of these spiritual retreats have already made it possible that you will actually have a good time in their spiritual retreat programs.

– Talking about your feelings
– Your anger
– The world
– Your frustrations
– Your hopes
– Rekindle your relationship with God

3. Aims And Goals

A spiritual retreat aims to answer all these doubts and reassure you that God is certainly with us, always guiding and protecting us from harm. Like if your car has been bumped by another car and it has left a deep dent on the back, you can be rest assured that God is still protecting you since at least you were saved from any bodily harm and that your car is just a material possession that if you really work hard on it, you can actually still have it fixed or you can just buy a better model. A really enables you to become more objective when it comes to dealing with certain situations and to not get easily angry with others as well as with God.

4. Relaxation In Paradise

Still, there are those who go on to spiritual retreats hoping that they will be able to just have the time to reflect on the things that they have done and let go of all regrets – the chances that they did not took as well all the wrong things that they have done. Because as the clich

How to enhance your personal happiness

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How often have you heard the cry “All I want is to be happy?” Sometimes this has been followed with,” Surely, that’s not too much to ask for?”
Not too much to ask for. This suggests two things for me. That the person thinks that happiness is an entitlement and that it is someone else’s responsibility to give this or make this for them.
I have had various periods throughout life when I would say that I have been happy and also other times when I have been unhappy.
I began to think about the happiness question and chose to look at my childhood in my quest for a possible answer.

My maternal grandparents lived on a farm which was very isolated. It was not on a bus route. After taking three buses then a taxi we would have to walk the remainder of the way over fields and dirt tracks to the house. Until I was nearly seven, we spent a great deal of time there. Sometimes my twin sister and our mum would go and dad would visit on a weekend. Often it was just my sister and I in the summer for 6-8 weeks at a time. The only people we saw were my elderly grandparents and an uncle who lived there too.
Other farm hands converged on us when it was lambing or dipping time.
A grocery van came twice a week, as did a baker. The butcher came once a week and a drapery van twice a year. That was always a bit of an occasion!
We had our own cows for milk. I can’t recall fish being a part of our diet.
There was a television which was switched on for wrestling on a Saturday afternoon
and twice a week for Crossroads. This was such a big event that we would all get
washed and scrubbed, then change into our best clothes to sit and worship the box for
half an hour.
We went to bed early and were up early. Papa would knock gently on the bedroom
window and meowed pretending to be a kitten. We would always go along with
this charade in delight and rise to go find the cat.

I was deliriously happy! I am able forty years later to recall in vivid detail this
period of my life.
To me, life seemed full of texture. Yet, I am sure that the majority of people would
have felt deprived leading such a narrow type of existence.

Why was I happy?

1.I was comfortable with who I was. There was no one around to compare myself with either favourably or disfavourably.I thought as I wanted to and behaved as I chose to with no negative feedback from anyone.

2.I was often alone, but never lonely. I always felt particularly close to my grandfather and my uncle and got the distinct impression that they enjoyed me for who I was and I know that even back then I was somewhat “off the wall!” They were there whenever I wanted them but did not intrude on my time or tell me what I should be doing (in the knowledge that I was safe and doing no harm.)I had lots of animals around me, dogs, sheep, and cows. I had wood pigeons and a bull finch called Hughie Stewart. I thought that they knew me personally and their recognition made me feel special.

3.I had the ability to adapt to my surroundings. At home, I had toys, books, other people’s dogs and friends on my terms. At Cumberhead, I had lots of animals around and knew where to go to see foxes and badgers. There were wild violets, berries to pick, smell of hay, brooks, opportunity for creative play, and cow platters!

4. I took what I could from wherever I happened to be. I didn’t hanker to go home. When it was time to go home, sometimes a couple of months later, I looked at this as something else to enjoy. I could take pleasure from the moment I was in and not look for the problems.

5.I was extrovert and creative. I took responsibility for my own enjoyment, physical and mental stimulation. I invented games. I developed a scoring system for jumping in cow platters, based on how fresh it was the amount of crust on top and number of flies interested. No one was ever angry about the state I arrived back in. I would sleep during the day so that I could watch the badgers at night. I sometimes slept in the barn so that I could be with a particular dog or an orphaned lamb.

6.I felt safe. No one was ever angry .Everyone treated each other fairly. Animals were respected. I wasn’t aware of what was happening in the world but I knew I was in control of how my days were and I was never bored.

7.There were large vegetable, fruit, and flower gardens. Egg laying hens, milking cows, sheep. It was an environment that changed with the season and was always exciting to me. I was encouraged by as sense of constant springtime. A time of hope and new growth. Optimism pervaded life.

8. I am sure life for us was different, perhaps even strange compared with that of our peers, but it had its own structure and a sense of security. I had a sense of purpose. My goals were realistic and achievable and not influenced by what others were doing or felt I should be doing. They did not compromise my values. I only wanted to be with “my” animals. I spoke to them and enjoyed them at all stages. I was not criticised by others for being so animal orientated. I packed as much as I could into my day. I went to bed tired and satisfied each night and looked forward to doing it all again the next day.

If you are unhappy, it may be beneficial for you to reflect on when you were last truly happy. Work out the reasons why and see whether the rules you adopted for yourself then can bring you happiness again now.

Law of Attraction Classics: Your Invisible Power – How to Attract the Things You Desire – Genevieve Behrend

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The power within you which enables you to form a thought picture is the starting point of all there is. In its original state it is the undifferentiated formless substance of life.

Your thought picture forms the mould (so to speak) into which this formless substance takes shape. Visualizing, or mentally seeing things and conditions as you wish them to be, is the condensing, the specializing power in you that might be illustrated by the lens of a magic lantern.

The magic lantern is one of the best symbols of this imaging faculty. It illustrates the working of the Creative Spirit on the plane of the initiative and selection (or in its concentrated specializing form) in a remarkably clear manner.

This picture slide illustrates your own mental picture -invisible in the lantern of your mind until you turn on the light of your will. That is to say, you light up your desire with absolute faith that the Creative Spirit of Life, in you, is doing the work.

By the steady flow of light of the will on the Spirit, your desired picture is projected upon the screen of the physical world, an exact reproduction of the pictured slide in your mind.

Visualizing without a will sufficiently steady to inhibit every thought and feeling contrary to your picture would be as useless as a magic lantern without the light.

On the other hand, if your will is sufficiently developed to hold your picture in thought and feeling, without any “ifs,” simply realizing that your thought is the great attracting power, then your mental picture is as certain to be projected upon the screen of your physical world as any pictured slide put into the best magic lantern ever made.

Try projecting the picture in a magic lantern with a light that is constantly shifting from one side to the other, and you will have the effect of an uncertain will. It is as necessary that you should always stand back of your picture with a strong, steady will, as it is to have a strong steady light back of a picture slide.

The joyous assurance with which you make your picture is the very powerful magnet of Faith, and nothing can obliterate it. You are happier than you ever were, because you have learned to know where your source of supply is, and you rely upon its never-failing response to your given direction.

When all said and done, happiness is the one thing which every human being wants, and the study of visualization enables you to get more out of life than you ever enjoyed before. Increasing possibilities keep opening out, more and more, before you.

A business man once told me that since practicing visualization and forming the habit of devoting a few minutes each day to thinking about his work as he desired it to be in a large, broad way, his business had more than doubled in six months. His method was to go into a room every morning before breakfast and take a mental inventory of his business as he had left it the evening before, and then enlarge upon it.

He said he expanded and expanded in this way until his affairs were in remarkably successful condition. He would see himself in his office doing everything that he wanted done. His occupation required him to meet many strangers every day. In his mental picture he saw himself meeting these people, understanding their needs and supplying them in just the way they wished.

This habit, he said, had strengthened and steadied his will in an almost inconceivable manner. Furthermore, by thus mentally seeing things as he wished them to be, he had acquired the confident feeling that a certain creative power was exercising itself, for him and through him, for the purpose of improving his little world.

When you first begin to visualize seriously, you may feel, as many others do, that someone else may be forming the same picture you are, and that naturally would not suit your purpose. Do not give yourself any unnecessary concern about this. Simply try to realize that your picture is an orderly exercise of the Universal Creative Power specifically applied.

Then you may be sure that no one can work in opposition to you. The universal law of harmony prevents this. Endeavor to bear in mind that your mental picture is Universal Mind exercising its inherent powers of initiative and selection specifically.

God, or Universal Mind, made man for the special purpose of differentiating Himself through him. Everything that is, came into existence in this same way, by this self-same law of self-differentiation, and for the same purpose.

First the idea, the mental picture or the prototype of the thing, which is the thing itself in its incipiency or plastic form.

The Great Architect of the Universe contemplated Himself as manifesting through His polar opposite, matter, and the idea expanded and projected itself until we have a world -many worlds.

Many people ask, “But why should we have a physical world at all?” The answer is: Because it is the nature of originating substance to solidify, under directivity rather than activity, just as it is the nature of wax to harden when it becomes cold, or plaster of paris to become firm and solid when exposed to the air.

Your picture in this same Divine substance in its fluent state taking shape through the individualized center of Divine operation, your mind; and there is no power to prevent this combination of spiritual substance from becoming physical form. It is the nature of Spirit to complete its work and an idea is not complete until it has made for itself a vehicle.

Nothing can prevent your picture from coming into concrete form except the same power that gave it birth – yourself. Suppose you wish to have a more orderly room. You look about your room and the idea of order suggests boxes, closets, shelves, hooks and so forth.

The box, the closet, the hooks, all are concrete ideas of order. Vehicles through which order and harmony suggest themselves.

New Year’s Resolutions Again? Top Ten Ways To Make A Great 2008…

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New Years Day is around the corner and the inevitable question looms: what are your new year’s resolutions for 2008? These suggestions, accommodated by some online offerings, are a helpful way to incorporate changes into your daily lifestyle to make a great 2008.

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions

1. Stay in Touch with Friends and Family

Are you feeling guilty because your mailbox was full of holiday greeting cards from friends and family and you only had time to send them to a small smattering of relatives, including your grandmother and your favorite aunt? Get the year off to a good start by beginning a new tradition of sending New Year e-cards. Everyone will be happy to get some post-Christmas cheering up and a fun update on you and your family.

2. Spend More Time with Friends

Spend less of your week doing time-consuming, tedious errands; instead, take some time this year to relieve yourself of life’s hustle-bustle. Invite your friends or co-workers to join you for a lunchtime walk, a yoga class after work, or a girls’ night out by sending an online invitation from http://americangreetings.com. Resolutions are meant to be good for you and hopefully enjoyable, so what could be more fun than spending less time in supermarket lines and more time laughing with friends?

3. Reduce Stress

Do you find yourself overwhelmed with family correspondence and constantly unable to keep up? Start small by putting all of your family members’ (and your in-laws’ too) birthdays and anniversaries into a secure, online reminder service, such as the one available from American Greetings. They’ll even notify you when it’s time to send e-card! Score some extra points and surprise your sister-in-law with a thoughtful card after forgetting for the last five years. Shock your mother and send a card before her actual birthday arrives.

4. Organize the Address Book

Did you have trouble getting Christmas cards out this year because of your messy address book? Was the last time you updated your address book when you got married 10 years ago? Streamline your outdated efforts by keeping all of your family and friends’ information logged in a simple and secure online address book, so sending holiday cards will be as painless as it has ever been. You can conveniently access your address books at work or at home, allowing you to update your files whenever you get an opportunity.

5. Enjoy Life More

Bring more balance to your life by simplifying your daily schedule and prioritizing what you enjoy most. Take up a new hobby: try a creative project. American Greetings has a wide variety of projects that allow you to utilize your creative juices, from making your own business cards to personalizing your own stationary and more. Express your inner art student and impress your friends with your latest artistic creation.

6. Lend a Hand

Step outside of yourself and give some of your time to help those around you. By committing to a cause that is in line with your core values, you will be more likely to stay involved and feel rewarded by the experience. Since many of us lack time, take a moment to send a breast cancer awareness card or other inspirational greeting to help lift someone’s spirit during a challenging time. You will feel better about yourself after helping make someone’s day brighter.

7. Manage Your Finances

Set a realistic plan to allow yourself greater financial freedom, alleviate financial headaches and start saving for future goals. Make an effort to limit unnecessary drains on your wallet by tracking your finances online. Begin logging all of your expenses for the month and see how quickly those delicious lattes add up. Free greeting cards are a great way to save money and allow you to dedicate the savings toward something fun. Hawaii anyone?

8. Learn to Cook & Dine in More Often

In tandem with number 7, start spending less money on dining out. Pledge to dine in more or find a cooking class to satisfy your unending cravings for ethnic cuisines. Get new recipes emailed to you and experiment cooking new dishes in the comfort of your own kitchen. For an added touch of you, print your favorites on personalized recipe cards.

9. Make Memories

Do you always complain that you don’t have any recent pictures of you and your college buddies? Has another office get-together come and gone without any proof that you were there? Take out the old memory box and compile some old pictures. Create a printable ecard and complete it by inserting a favorite photo to commemorate the good old times and send to a friend for that special occasion. Or, if remembering your camera is the problem, buy an inexpensive disposable camera to leave in your car or purse, so you will have it with you wherever you go. Print the pictures on CD so next year you can send a personalized photo Christmas card.

10. Reduce Your Vices

In a perfect world, there would be no battle against biting your nails, eating unhealthy food, drinking too much caffeine and a myriad of other terrible habits. Experts say that when you feels the urge to engage the in bad habit, try to busy yourself with another activity. Instead of hitting the office coffee pot again, try sending an e-card when you have an urge and will also help you achieve number 1 by keeping in touch with friends and family.

Master Success By Making Everyone A Winner

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One key to helping yourself be a winner is to focus on a mindset that eliminates the element of competition. The problem with focusing on competition and making yourself a winner is that someone then has to lose. However if you focus instead on creating a win-win situation then not only will you be a winner then your success will foster the success of others and others’ success will help foster your success.

While so much of our society is focused on competition and winning at all costs, this is ultimately a very destructive mindset. A team that works together is always stronger than a group of individuals only out for their individual purposes. If you can apply this principle to every aspect of your life then you can achieve tremendous success.

The truth is that if you set up competition in most areas of your life then you lose even when you win. For example, if you “win” an argument with your spouse what do you gain and what do you lose? Perhaps you scored the most points in the argument or simply wore down your significant other until they gave in. Now you have your way regarding your weekend plans or whatever was at stake. But what damage has been done to your relationship? How does your spouse feel about you? How will he or she feel as they participate in the activity you won? How much damage will accumulate to your relationship if you win the next argument? And the next?

The same is true about competition in other areas of your life. If you win a competition at work then you may reap benefits in term of recognition and even monetary rewards. But if your win comes at the cost of your co-workers then not only will they feel like losers but they may well resent your success. How well will you work together as a team in the future? What will happen when you need those people to work with you on a project?

So what is the alternative? After all, no one wants to be a loser and the perception is that if you are not a winner then you are a loser. But what if you can create a situation where everyone wins? What if you can eliminate the competition? Remember, your short term win is a long term lose if it damages your relationship with your spouse, child, co-worker, or friend.

How do you create a win-win situation? You have to keep your long-term goals in mind for that relationship which may mean that you need to remind yourself and reaffirm to the others involved that you value yourself and the other person (or people involved). You also need the maturity to strike a balance between strength of purpose and empathy. Finally, you need to believe that there is enough success for everyone. You need to be a big enough person to understand that there is more than enough for everyone so it does not cost you to share in the success. Helping or allowing another to succeed will not diminish your success and in fact may well enhance it.

Making the decision to change your mindset from win-lose to win-win is not easy and then following through with that philosophy change can be extremely difficult. Most of us have been conditioned from early childhood to compete in every aspect of our lives. However once you give up that competitive edge and focus on helping everyone win then you will be on a sure path to success in life.

Just Five Minutes Longer – Spirituality Information

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The story has been told and retold countless times about the battle of Waterloo. Poems have been written and songs have been composed detailing every conceivable aspect about it. The English tell it one way and the French share it from a slightly different point of view.

History and legend has it that after Napoleon Bonaparte’s army was defeated and the Duke of Wellington prevailed over the French, Napoleon was taken away and imprisoned. One day a group of newspaper reporters came to visit. They had obtained permission to hold an interview with the famous French general, Napoleon Bonaparte.

Even though Napoleon was in prison, he carried himself with dignity and looked with piercing eyes at the group of reporters gathered there before him. Questions were asked and answers given. The reporters wrote every word down. This would, indeed, be good reading. They would boast to their children and grandchildren how they stood before the great general on that long ago day.

Suddenly, from the back of the room, a voice, somewhat more gentle than the others was heard above the din. “Mon general,” the reporter said, “Tell me why the English won at Waterloo. Did they have a superior army?”

“No!” replied Napoleon.

“Well, did they have better weapons?” asked another reporter.

“No!” was the answer again.

Then the first reporter asked again, “Why then, Mr. General, did the English win?”

Napoleon’s eyes slowly swept across the room. The silence was so deep that it was almost deafening. You could have heard the proverbial pin drop. Then he replied, “The English fought five minutes longer.”

From the mouth of the great general himself came the answer, “The English fought five minutes longer”. Many times, five minutes longer is all that it takes. Times have changed from the days of the Emperor Napoleon. But many things still remain the same.

Sometimes victory is just a few minutes away. Yes, I know, we all go through terrible times. In today’s world many of us are faced with crisis after crisis. For most, there is never enough money, no jobs, poor relationships, ill health and the list could go on and on. Of course, there are good times, too, but the hard times usually block our vision of the good times.

When things get really bad, we turn this way and that looking for some help or at least some hope to keep on keeping on. Anything will do–a kind word from a friend, a paragraph from a good book, a stray piece of music from the radio, even a Hollywood movie.

Some people will be there for you, others will turn and run from you, fearing for their own well-being. Still others may throw you a crumb of money, or food and hope you won’t ask for more. Be grateful. They do as they see fit to do at the moment. Your job is to just keep on keeping on.

When you are down in the arena and the dust is in your mouth and you can hear the screaming of the crowd, remember, “The English fought five minutes longer.” Sometimes it’s so bad that one day at a time is too long. So go one hour at a time. And if that’s too long, then how about five minutes at a time?

Success is sometimes just yards or minutes away. There are times when the last few yards may seem like miles and the last few minutes may appear to be hours. But if you keep on keeping on, if you do not let hope die, if you have faith in the goodness of the universe and the Force that created us, you will win in the end.

Why did Napoleon lose to the English at the battle of Waterloo? The English simply fought five minutes longer.

Body Language in Communication: What Do Your Gestures Say?

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While speaking at a large International conference recently, I was asked by lots of people why I made certain gestures while I was presenting. People get very intrigued about this kind of thing, especially when talking about body language and non-verbal communication as I was So I write today about body language in communication in relation to gestures in particular.

One set of people who really know about body language in communication are dancers. Recently, I had the opportunity of working with a well known dancer, who was demonstrating some secrets of what made certain dancers so good. She was talking to me about the importance of certain gestures made by dancers when they are dancing.

She also explained to me that in differing cultures, the gestures women make when dancing are extremely specific, and often depict story’s all their own and emphasises the nature of that particular dance. As a younger man, I spent a lot of time in the stunning Spanish city of Granada and attended lots of traditional Flamenco dance and gypsy music events and lots of the images, colours and exciting feelings of those days began to resonate through my mind again when having this explained to me.

In recent months, someone asked me to consider writing a book with them about teaching methods and when subsequently researching child development and their body language in communication, I stumbled across some information that stated that young children develop certain arm and hand gestures shortly before they start to speak.

In fact, I read that both gestures and vocal sounds can be considered as part of a person’s symbol-making ability. By “symbol-making ability” I am referring to the spoken word, writing, numbers and pictures; the ways in which we communicate. It is this ability which defines many of us and differentiates humans from the array of other mammals on this planet. However, when we communicate with people, we generally tend to be taught to pay attention to the spoken symbols, in the form of words that people say and tend to ignore body language in communication.

So here today are some steps to follow to heighten your awareness of body language in communication with particular reference to gestures and maybe you can utilise them more yourself.

Step One: Firstly, each time you are having a chat with someone, observe the gestures they make. There will often be patterns and repeated ways of utilising gestures. Notice how certain gestures accompany certain words and phrases. Think about what they are doing with this gesture too.

When you listen to someone, their hands will complement or emphasise what they are saying to you or what they are attempting to communicate. You can watch them paint pictures in the air, and interact with their imaginary world as they speak. Anyone that has ever seen me speak will notice that I have very active hands while speaking, if you listen to the podcasts or my audio programmes, you can even tell that I am using my hands while speaking even though you cannot see me!

The thing I find fascinating is that most people are blissfully unaware of their own gestures, unaware of their own body language in communication, let alone anyone else’s. These gestures are deep communications that emerge directly from our unconscious mind. So if you decide to start acknowledging gestures, you are communicating with someone’s unconscious mind and processes, wonderful stuff eh?

Here are three main ways to interact with a person’s gestures:

Step two: Secondly then, once you notice a person’s gestures, feed some of them back to the person. When you refer to something they have said, use their gesture as well. This is known as mirroring or matching, remember from a previous edition of Adam Up I talked about this, do your best not to make it too obvious and not to mimic the person.

Developing rapport with someone has often been described as getting the attention of and communicating with someone’s unconscious mind. When you mirror their gestures back to them, a person’s unconscious mind knows that you have noticed it. As I said, I recommend that you don’t mirror the gesture in full. Let me give you an example, if a person moves their hand in circles as they describe going round and round, you could move your index finger in circles to subtly mirror it.

The second approach to utilising gestures I call referring. So, for example, if someone said “I know there’s the right person out there for me somewhere” and held their hand pointing out in the direction ahead of them as they said it, you can subtly point to the same direction where their hand was guided each time that you refer to it: For example “So this person, you don’t know who they are yet you are looking forward to meeting.” As you refer to them, you match their gesture and point the same way. Just as mirroring did, this sends a covert message to the person that you understand what is going on with them and often that you understand better than that person’s conscious mind does!

Step Three: Investigate how to refer to people’s gestures by doing it more and more.

If someone says “I’d like to do a certain thing, but something else keeps stopping me” while they then hold one of their hands out in front of them, you could highlight the hand and ask them “What is that?” Sometimes people will just frown, or look at you strangely and say “What do you mean?” , but other times, it brings up wonder and amazement things come into the person’s awareness that they didn’t previously have conscious knowledge of. It can really have a magical effect.

The third way you can use this is with full engagement. I once had a client who said “I’d like to be a great public speaker, but something’s stopping me.” As he said this, he held his hands out about a foot in front of his chest and made an actual pushing motion, as if trying to move a heavy object. I asked “What happens when you just knock that out of the way” and I then pushed his hands to the side.

His face went bright red and he began laughing raucously out loud! He said “Well that makes it easy” and he stepped forward into a relaxed and confident pose before starting to talk about how excited he was about doing it. This is amazing stuff. Full engagement with people’s gestures is not appropriate for all situations and there are many workplace situations where any sort of physical contact is deemed inappropriate. Having said that, if you are in a situation where you consider it appropriate to do so, and you have a relationship with good rapport with the person where it is fine to do that, then go for it.

Body language in communication: In Business

This is not just interpersonal communication that I am referring to with this working with gestures. In the business and professional environment people use lots of gestures too, so you can mirror those gestures subtly to get rapport. In addition, people will use gestures when describing a specific problem. I was once demonstrating their power to some people on a seminar I was running. Upon meeting one of the attendees a couple of months later, she told me this story:

She said that there was a chap at work who often came to her for help in solving technical problems as she was a bit of a technical whizz. She said that it typically took 20-30 minutes to help the person find the solution to the problem, and subsequently consumed a lot of her time. After learning about gestures, she paid attention the next time the chap brought up a problem which went something like this “I’m trying to do x but I have this problem and can’t see beyond it.”

The lady from my seminar noticed that when the chap said the word “problem”, he held his hand up in a clenched way. Our quick-thinking heroine mirrored the gesture, then said “What happens when you just forget about that [moving his clenched hand as if throwing away a piece of rubbish] and focus on what you want.” The chap with the problem stopped absolutely still for about 30 seconds then said “Oh! I know the answer to that one!” and left the stunned lady in peace, saving her 20-30 minutes of her day.

Pay attention to the gestures of others, their body language in communication and use them back to those using them, become aware of what purpose they are serving and show that you understand and empathise with them.

Public Speaking Lessons

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The benefits of communication are evident from the least sophisticated creatures to the most advanced as in humans.

Perhaps, among the creatures especially endowed with the power of communication, humans make use of them more intensely and with a purpose that each speech made has had some effect on the people who hears them.

Not only do humans use communication in everyday survival but uses it for a variety of reasons. It is used to inspire and to deliver important messages in a well-structured and equally measured manner.

Public Speaking

In a recent survey, more than 90% among the 1000 American individuals interviewed are afraid of hosting a speaking engagement. 20% of them have at least done such acts and never want to do it again while 75% commented that there are people who are endowed with such skills and that public speaking should be reserved solely to them.

In a monologue lecture, one has to inform, influence, and convince people. This can only be done through the use of speech that is well crafted, revised and edited.

The above criteria can only be met if the speaker has a main purpose in mind, a tool to convey the very same purpose with a full consideration of the recipient audience.

In order for your speech to become as effective as you want it to be, you have to consider the four elements of the above activity, and tailor activities and strategies that will effectively drive your audience into believing everything you have to say.

Who/whom Your audience is your best resource when considering in what manner you would want to conduct your speech. You should deliberately come up with a verbal address that is appropriate to your audience. Consider their age, level of education, place in the society, and your level of relationship with them.

Ron Kurtus, an experienced speech master, commented that your first and primary purpose of speaking is to communicate ideas that you think your listeners would like to hear; something that they want to internalize and be part of their lives and something which can they can use for their daily living and gain rewards along the way.

What Your topic will provide you an effective idea and help you develop a talk which is most appropriate, timely and equally-relating to your listeners and spectators. Your topic can be as complicated as you want it to be as long as your audience is aware of the main topic at hand.

When As you go along making your speech, you may want to ask yourself if the subject of your talk is timely or something which your audience could probably relate to.

You do not want to explain the science behind Alzheimer if you are talking to business folks who are looking for ways on how they can develop a procedure for managing their business and get warranted results.

In a sense, one has to consider if one has the opportune time to talk about things to their audience that will make a direct impact on how they view the world and the concepts surrounding your topic.

How As today’s world becomes a place for entertainment, people expect their speakers to be lively and use strategies that will arouse their interest and help them better understand the complexities by which your topic is founded.

Dr. Stephen D. Boyd says that a 20 or 200 person audience is similar in terms of maintaining their interest on what you have to say. Speakers battle on the external factors which play in getting the attention of your listeners.

Listeners expect their client speaker to speak with vigor, humor, vitality, confidence, and animation. This can be in the form of creating something catchy like a surprising and unusual story, an unbelievable figure and/or your personal experiences.

If you are tired and emotionally stressed, your listeners can feel it. It is evident in your voice, in your actions and the way you move your hands and body. You will be physically restricted and repressed and could hardly do more to stir excitement among your audience.

While these and other factors affect the way you conduct your speech, it is important to follow several recommendations that will help you combat the consequences of your audience finding out your true physical state.

Vary your pace of speaking
Pause to make a point
Demonstrate gesture that is relevant to the idea that you are trying to point out
Employ facial expressions
Make sensible and purposeful movements

Spirituality Information-A Matter Of Sight And Insight

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I want to tell you a little story. It happened during my first year in college. I was sitting in my room, late one night, studying for a chemistry test.

Tests seemed to be a major part of my life in those days. I longed for the time when I would never have to take another quiz, study for one more test or await the results of final exams.

I took a break from the chemistry book to reflect on the injustices of life. The food in the cafeteria seemed designed for nutrition and not enjoyment. The professors were unfair, so many projects, too much homework, too little time, too much this and too little that.

Shaking my head, I reached for a book a friend had dropped off the day before, leaned back in my chair, and switched my attention away from studying, at least for a short while. I looked at the title of the book. It was “The Night They Burned the Mountain,” by Dr. Thomas Anthony Dooley.

I casually flipped it open and thought I’d skim a few pages. My eyes settled on a sentence that was to determine, to a great extent, the path my life would take. The words read, “It’s better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.”

I looked once more at the words. They seemed to burn into my mind. I closed the book, went back to studying for another hour or so and then went to bed.

Before falling asleep, I looked at my professors in a different light. Instead of seeing them as demons intent on making my life miserable, I now saw them as dedicated teachers trying to impart their knowledge and wisdom to me. Perhaps the cafeteria food was not so bad after all. Tests were there so that we could measure ourselves of today against ourselves of yesterday.

What Dr. Dooley said to me on that night long ago was this: Bring light into the situation, don’t berate the darkness; be grateful for what you have, don’t be angry at what you don’t have; change the way you look at events and the events will change the way they appear to you.

I took the test the next day and got an “A”. From that day on, I realized that the circumstances and events around us somehow reflected our inner landscape. That perspective is important and by changing the way I look at my world, I could change my very world.

Decades have come and gone since that first year in college. I have acquired various degrees in chemistry, mathematics and business and have worked in the hallowed halls of corporate America. I have written best-selling books and have lectured from Sydney, Australia to San Francisco, California; from Bali, Indonesia to Bombay, India.

There are many things I have done and still many more I have left undone. Yet, wherever I go or whatever I do, I use as one of my guideposts in life, “It’s better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.” Those words have stood me in good stead through the darkest nights of my soul.
I heard again Dr. Dooley’s voice when I stood at the deathbed of my wife. It kept my company through the loss of my business. It was with me when my car was repossessed and when they foreclosed on my house.

Times have changed dramatically since my journeys through the “Valley of the Shadow.” But have times really changed or have I changed the way I look at things? Life is a lot more pleasant now or could it be that I have learned how to look at life differently?

Change the way you look at life and life will appear the way you look at it. Look for the good in everything and the good in everything will look right back at you. The way I figure it, you could berate the thorns on the rosebush or tenderly pick a rose and enjoy its beauty.

Perspective, choose it and use it. Use it or lose it. The Universe is biased on your side. Trust the process.