It’s surprising how much people ask for what they don’t want rather than what they do want. It’s seems counterintuitive, but it’s the way we are. Most of us don’t even realize that we’re doing it.

To explain what I mean, consider the way your mind works. When you see or hear something, your mind deals with images, pictures in your mind. You are able to think about something even if you don’t know the word for it (“You know, the little round things on the bottom of fishing poles.”) Your mind thinks in images.

Even when we read something, we don’t think of the written words in our mind. We translate those words into images.

Words like “no” and “not” don’t change the images they’re associated with. Telling someone else (or yourself) to not do something creates the image of what you don’t want in your mind as well as theirs. How could it be otherwise?

This point is important because we tend to move toward what we think about. We hear about athletes who clearly imagine a perfect performance to help them achieve it. The same applies to everyday life. We may not actively choose our thoughts, but we will still tend to move toward them – even if we’re thinking about what we don’t want.

An example I use at my seminars is also the only bit of parenting advice I’ll ever venture to give. (I don’t know who said it, but I agree with the sentiment expressed by: “Before I had children, I had seven theories of childrearing. Now I have seven children and no theories.”)

Imagine you’re the parent of a 3 year old who is in the kitchen attempting the incredible feat of carrying a full